To look at old photos and distantly recognize that I'm staring at myself, but it doesn't feel like me or look like me; it's more like a stranger I can't quite place but definitely know somehow.
To hear the words coming out of my mouth but not quite feel like I'm the one speaking them. Hearing everyone else's and recognizing the words like they're coming through someone else's ears.
To look in the mirror and see an unattractive version of me, not the pretty person I normally see staring back at me.
Picturing smoke leaving my lips on the exhale of a deep breath instead of the normal air it is.
Recognizing the cruelty of the world written over the screen and knowing I should care more - called out by those who do - but willing myself not to because it's just too draining to be consumed by all the bad things that exist. There's too many problems to care about every single one across my feed.
Being guilty somewhere in me when I'm listening to other people's feelings and problems, but just trying to exist with mine acting up again.
Feeling nothing when I'm reciprocating affection and hating myself for it.
Going to bed without calling my partner because I'm sad and distant. Lying in the morning that I was just tired.
Sitting, doing nothing, not helping myself get any better. Not wanting to feel better.
