Tears are not meant to be seen and pain is not meant to be shared. That is a philosophy I have lived by my entire life. I stop feeling along time ago when I realized that feelings get you no where but with a unrecognizable reflection.
456. 456 is how many seconds it takes for them to rip me apart. 456 is what I live for because I know when I reach 456 my time is done. Sometimes on bad days, on really bad days it's 678 seconds. My days consist of hoping for 456 seconds instead of 678.
Today I didn't count at all. I showed weakness today. I screamed so loud as they kicked me all over my body. I cried out as they banged my face against the brick walls. "Stupid fag" Is what they call me. "that's not my name!" Is what I use to scream out. It was absolutely stupid of me to actually think they even cared to know my name.
Tears poured out of my eyes "no stop it!" I screamed at the tears, but they kept going. People who believe in God are absolutely stupid. "Your never alone young man pull through God is watching" is what they tell me. God is suppose to help his children look over them, but I have never felt more alone.
Oh my gosh are you okay?!" I looked up to see where the source of concern was. My eye catches a girl who looks like a magazine add for over priced clothes. I deal with concern from people all the time, usually homeless people, but this was something new. I usually just say "yeah I'm fine, it was just a few friends joking around" then I flash my best bloody smile.
I honestly wouldn't fall for it but people are idiots, and don't really care in the first place. At least they can say they were a "good" person for all of five minuets.
What makes this time so much different is well for one I have miss priss glaring at me, and I don't think I want to lie anymore. I can't take another 456 seconds. I am tired of having a number be my definition of life, this needs to stop now.
"Do I look okay to you? I have bruises for eyes, I'm coughing up blood, scratches cover my entire face, And I'm pretty sure I have a mild concussion and my nose is broken. Now tell me am I okay?" I don't even know why she's even trying to help me.
"I told you we shouldn't have even come over here. The brat isn't even thankful you saved his ass." I turned around to see a short girl with her hands on her hips, and lips puckered out.
"Is there anything we can do?" The nicer girl asked me. I looked into her eyes as she squatted down and placed her hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were sort of beautiful, a deep blue that consumed your body. "Please help me." I tried to say, but it came out airy and quiet, but by the looks of it the girl understood me, she stood up and went to talk to her friend.
They started yelling at each other in hushed voices. I couldn't really tell what they were saying but I'm pretty sure the short stuck up chick doesn't want to help me. She's actually sort of beautiful when you look past her ugly personality, so I guess you could say she's only beautiful on the outside. But in this world, the inside doesn't count. It's all about the outer appearance, either you got it or you don't, and if you don't your life will be absolute hell.
"Oh my gosh do you ever get over yourself! He is injured and needs help can't you see that? Do you even have a fucking heart Ana? You know what don't answer that, your helping me rather you want to or not." I think I like her.
"You know if it's that big of a deal I'll help myself. I groaned. "See he doesn't even need us, thank you have a nice day!" She smiled. "Your unbelievable." Her friend said. She walked towards me and helped me up. I put my arm over her shoulder and she wrapped her arm around my waist. "If you won't help me fine, but good luck on finding your way home." She laughed.
We walked out the ally and her friend came running along. "Sarah wait!" She squealed. It never accrued to me that I knew neither of there names.
"Sarah, is that your name?" I asked her as we wobbled down the side walk. "Yeah Sarah Pence." She smiled. "Nice to meet you Sarah Pence. My name is Ethan." I smiled back "It's nice to meet you too Ethan." She giggled.
"So what's your friends name back there?" I asked. "Anastasia we've been friends for as long as I can remember." "I don't mean to rude or disgrace your friendship of anything but she's kind of a bitch." I laughed. "Yeah no kidding." She said as she threw her head back in laughter.
"Sarah! Sarah slow down! Sarah Fine I'll help him." Anastasia screamed from behind. We stopped and waited for her to catch up. She had her heels in her hand as she walked towards us.
"I hope you know that while you guys were laughing about lord knows what, I broke my damn heel!" She complained. I laughed at her misery.
"Oh you think this is funny I bet these shoes cost more then your entire house!" She glared at me. "Well I wouldn't know considering the fact I don't have a house." I said with amusement in my eyes. "Oh" she breathed holding her head down. "Well if you did have a house my shoes would cost more." She said clearing her throat and flipping her hair.
"Nice to meet you too Anastasia." She looked me in the eye and rolled her eyes. "Whatever lets just go I'm tired." She scoffed as she walked passed us. "Such a bitch" Sarah whispered and we laughed as we wobbled back towards her car.
"What are we exactly doing with him?" Anastasia asked. "Well I can't take him to my house because my folks would never allow it, so I was thinking he could stay with you until he gets better." Sarah pleaded as we sat in the car, and started to drive away. "As if where would he stay." Disgust clear in Ana's voice. "You do realize I'm sitting right here right?" I said to Ana and she just rolled her eyes. "You have four houses to choose from pick one. Do something for someone else for a change." Sarah said ending the conversation. I starred out the window and my vision went black.
*******
"Why are they always so mean to me? I did nothing to them, don't make me go back please mother please." I cried out to my mother. "You see sweetie Sometimes in life we go through a series of battels with other people, and within ourselves. People say words dont hurt as much as phyical pain.
But actually they are about equal. You see it isn't the actual words that hurt. No its you that takes the words twist them in your own way, and make them hurt. We are our own enemy. So when those boys called you those mean things, it's not the actual fact that they hurt you, it's the fact that deep within you, you actually believed them." Mother was right I did kind of believe them.
So next time those boys want to try to hurt you just turn around and try not to listen. It's going to be hard honey, but you can do it. Now wipe away those tears and get a goodnights rest. I love you." My mother leaned down and kissed me on my forehead. "I know you do." I replied as I rolled over and closed my eyes.
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I'm really excited for this book and the things I have planned. Hopefully you guys enjoy it!! Thank you for reading!
~ Ladarius
