After the truth

~16~

Light showers of rain was accompanied by whispers of wind entwined in the trees outside the mansion. Despite the elaborate display of the love of nature from the unnecessary amount of trees in the estate, there were no birds in sight nor were the sound of their chirps heard. Zayn scoffed as feelings of disgust washed over him.

He moved away from the French windows in his father's study. His eyes swept over the large frames that filled the room. A particular one called his attention. It was a family portrait, one taken before the deconstruction of their familial bond. A period where they were all happy. His father, Hamza was seated on a brown mahogany chair with his mum by his side. His first sister Maimuna hugged Hamza tight, her grin was contagious, and it was easy to see the love she had for her father in her eyes. The twin boys, Himself and Zachariah stood rod straight beside Mai, Zayn looked bored while Zachariah had a look of mischief on his face, his fingers above Maimuna's head as bunny ears. Zulfa was in their mothers laps, hogging all of her attention per usual and just like the present, eight years old Marwa sat curled by the side of the chair, eyes staring into the distance.

Zayn felt his heart break a little. Sadness washed over him. He felt terrible for ever leaving but he had no choice then and even if he had, he wouldn't still have stayed. Maimuna needed him. He studied the picture again, curiosity piqued his interest as he mused over what could have made Marwa seclude herself.

He wasn't getting any work done, so he decided to take his laptop outside to the gazebo. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, picked up his laptop along with the documents he was reviewing and went his merry way out of the depressing study to the hypocritical, nature copying gardens. Goodness! He sounded bitter.

Zayn stopped abruptly when he saw his mum, sitting on her prayer mat right by the chairs. Her back was resting on the white walls and her eyes had a faraway look. It seemed she had been crying. She sniffed, wiping away her tears using the wide sleeves of her khimar and let out a sigh. Zayn felt something akin to sympathy towards his mum.

"as salamuʿalaykum wa rahmatu llahi wa barakatuh." He greeted.

Shamsia, his mother responded to his greetings of peace. She looked otherworldly in her white khimar and properly polished skin, fit to be the wife of a wealthy man.

"How are you, Zayni?" She asked, watching her son set his laptop on the table.

"I'm here to work Mama. Not to have an interview session with you." Zayn fired, his eyes never leaving his laptop screen. Realizing his mistake, he sucked in a harsh breath and looked up to see his mum looking anywhere else but at him.

"I'm sorry." He sighed, throwing down the documents in his hands. "I'm just so mad at you right now, it's unbelievable."

"I understand." Shamsia said instead, giving a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Zayn groaned loudly, irritated by her meek response. He shoved his seat backwards and stood abruptly. His blazing eyes, glared daggers at his mother.

"This is the reason everything went south!" He exclaimed, kicking his seat. Shamsia jumped out of the way, shocked by her son's outburst. "You would just sit there and take everything. The disrespect, disloyalty, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and even the lack of your freedom."

Shamsia had tears rolling down her eyes. She was well aware of the role she played in her children's life as well as that of her husband. She enabled him especially. But what could she have done. A powerless woman settling in a land she's not familiar with and a family far above her's. She was just a tool and a means. And even now, she also lacked the respect and love of her children. Asides from Zayad, 5 kids were out of the house.

"Now you're crying? Subhannallah. I wouldn't want a weakling for a wife like you mama. Never!" Zayn yelled. "You're weak, you're a cow..." He was silenced by a harsh, painful slap that almost got his head off his neck.

"I'm a weakling! I'm a pushover! An idiot! A coward! Yes! Yes Zayn! I'm an enabler because I hold no power. I even let a man control me to the extent of me pulling off the hijab I love to wear, bleaching my skin so I fit his standards of beauty. Tell me more Zayn! You think I'm not in pain? Just because you don't see me bleed or wail? You've had it easy because of me!" Shamsia screamed, her eyes blurry from the ocean of water that poured from it.

Zayn scoffed loudly, towering over his mum. His eyes was seeing the color red and deep in his heart he had the evil urge to push his mother to the floor. He had it easy because of her? He hissed loudly, glaring at her. She was out of her mind. He started to laugh loudly like a maniac and suddenly, he swiped his hands on the table, flinging the laptop out of the gazebo to the damp earth, leaving it in an unrecognizable mess.

"Nothing was easy for me mother!" He shouted, spit flying out of his mouth. His hands tugged his glasses away from his eyes and down to the floor. "And if anything ever was, it's all Allah and not you! Never you. What did you do for me? What were you doing when I needed you ma? When Maimuna needed you? You were busy galavanting on father's arms. And you say you made things easy for me? Please mama, enlighten me."

"May Allah forgive you Zayn. I will forgive you for what you do not know." Shamsia cried, index fingers pointing at her son. "This discussion is  over." Her voice returned to its meek form, then she turned her back to him.

Zayn fell to his knees and began to cry. A grown man's body wracked with trauma and grief as he let down his guard to be vulnerable just once before his mother. He was angry at her for letting him grow up so fast when she was very much still alive. He was sad that she denied him of the love only a mother could offer. He was upset and he felt betrayed.

"Zayn." She called out, walking over to him with urgency. She got on her knees and held his face in her hands, watching her first son cry. Tears fell from her eyes as well.

The light shower of rain soon turned to a downpour, fully in sync with the hurting hearts.

"Why did you abandon us?" Zayn's voice was raw and thick with overwhelming emotions.