After the truth

~17~

Shamsia was from a small, alienated village in Kashmir, India where she worked on apple farms to help her ailing parents. On one of her rounds at the farm, she came across Hamza. He was handsome and immensely wealthy to be dirtying himself, working with lower class people like herself, that was her thought.

She fell for his charm, charisma, intellect and humility. Her days working there became brighter and she looked forward to every single day. He never noticed her at first and if not for the kids she had at present, she wished it had stayed that way.

He wooed her in secret, his excuse being his parents and how they view societal structures. It made sense at the time and she was in love. Shamsia never knew a man would love her despite her flaws, her dark skin. In the thrills of love, she carried a child. Hamza's true nature began to reveal itself.

He had asked her to get rid of it since he had no plans of becoming a father anytime soon. Shamsia was devastated and the pressure he put on her to abort it was taking a toll on her health. At a point, she could not work on the farm. Her parents health deteriorated and then one day, she had no one else in the world asides her older sister that was married off to one of the wealthy families to produce an heir.

She felt alone and betrayed. Her decision to abort the baby was terminated. She wanted to raise it, care for it and shield it. Suddenly, one day, Hamza came back and asked for forgiveness. He said his parents had found out about them and he didn't want them to harm her but he finally stood his ground because it was her he wanted to marry, because he loved her.

Being the only one now, shamsia agreed to get married to him. They got married and Hamza was allowed to take over his parents company. Then he expanded it and moved all the way to the USA, alienating himself from his parents. He had gotten what he wanted.

When Maimuna was born, Hamza's character was glaringly painful to witness. He hated that she had birthed a female. He would come home drunk and beat her, blaming her for his misfortunes. And when he sobered up, he was the best father to her little girl.

Four years later, she was blessed with Zayn and Zachariah. The torture she received dwindled and the pride in Hamza bloomed. Then came Zayad and Hamza couldn't be more happy. Shamsia could finally breathe.

Some days she would sit for hours and pour blames on herself. If she had followed the rules of her religion. If she had kept to herself and waited patiently, perhaps. Perhaps what? If was the tool of shaytan so she let the thought go.

When she thought it was all over, her hijab became the next problem Hamza had. How could he show her off to the high class people in Missouri? He would say. He threatened to bring in another woman and after all she had been through, Shamsia did not want that so she accepted. Perhaps, she shouldn't have been scared, he wasn't God. And God was not cruel.

She knew of his gambling and womanizing. The only thing she was sure of was that God had blessed Hamza so much. His wealth kept increasing so was his arrogance.

Like some sort of comfort, Allah gave her the twins. Marwa was fair skinned, almost white, hence her name and Zulfa was the loudest baby. Marwa would not cry but stare blankly at her, like she was memorizing her face while Zulfa would make her presence known and cling to her. Her babies, the ones she failed to protect.

Then tragedy struck. Maimuna got into an accident and Hamza pronounced her dead to him as the girl had gone against his wishes. Shamsia could not do much. She was unemployed, nothing without her husband. She had six children and she couldn't cater for them if she wanted to alone. Hamza had isolated her and made her this way.

With the thought of protecting her children, she sent Maimuna to her sister-in-laws place in Dubai to undergo treatment. Making use of Hamza's frustration on the twin's rough behaviour, she sent them over to Dubai as well. To Hamza, the twins were away at a boarding school and Shamsia finally had the balls to get rid of Maimuna. Hamza's disconnection from his family was what helped Shamsia carry out her plans.

With tears in her eyes and emotions roped in her shaky voice, she had pleaded and begged Ramla, Hamza's sister to take good care of her kids. She had put total trust in Allah but she was very scared. If her husband ever found out, she knew she was done for. If anything were to happen to her, she had no one who would care enough to find out the truth.

As if all of those weren't enough, the worst had happened to Marwa. And this time, Shamsia couldn't help her. She was a prisoner in her own home. And to avoid the wrath of her mad husband upon her and Marwa, she acted tough and ignored the girl, praying that the Almighty send help. It was only Zulfa who was brave enough to face Hamza and insult him to his face. Her loud princess was braver than she could ever be. So, through Zulfa, Shamsia tried to care for Marwa and she got burnt in the worst way.

All her life, 35 years of being by Hamza's side, she had been but a prisoner, bidding her time of freedom be it death or divorce.

**********
Marwa huffed, her chest tight from running. She fumbled with the keys and pushed open the door to her apartment. There, Zayn's tall frame shielded that of a smaller person. Just from the strong, familiar scent of black oud perfume oil, she knew who it was.

She had given her apartment keys to Zayn, welcoming him to come over whenever he wanted. Her brother had called her, urgency in his voice as he asked her to leave her work at the cabin and hurry back home. It was a Saturday and Mukhlisa was having a date with Zulfa along with her new found best friend Maryam.

Marwa stepped backwards and with questioning eyes, she looked up at Zayn. When he shook his head and moved aside, a short sob escaped her lips and water filled her eyes. There in flesh and bone, her mother stood, skin back to its beautiful dark form, eyes wide and lined with khol, lips moisturized and naturally lined. She looked beautiful and radiant but she was now smaller and looked stressed.

"When you stared up at me for so long while I carried you, I should have known it was because you wouldn't get to see me for a long time. Marwa, I'm sorry."

Her soft voice made it real. Marwa's face broke into the most ugliest it had ever been and she began to cry. Her chest hurt and it felt like she couldn't breathe. All of a sudden, she was 18 again.

"Mama." She called out, hurrying over to hug her mother.

Many times, she would create scenes of reuniting with her mum. In each one of them, she was looking away, angry and upset. She never wanted to speak to her again. She missed her mum so much, her heart was on the verge of shattering.

"Mama." She whispered again, making sure this was real and not one of the dreams she had at night.

"Marwa." Zayn called her. Without leaving the warm embrace, Marwa looked up at her brother and for the first time, she saw him looking vulnerable. "Ma will stay with you for the time being. I'll explain everything later. Please take care of her."

Marwa nodded, crying once more. She couldn't believe her mother was with her. She could feel her mum caressing her hair just like old times and more tears worked it's way down her face

"I missed you so much my love."

Later that night, when her mum had fallen asleep, Marwa stared up at her face, memorizing each lines and how beautiful she looked. Making sure she wasn't going to wake up without her mum, Marwa held her mum's hands so tight, a promise not to let go. Then she slept.