Secrets Revealed

The First Secret

TW: Eating Disorders

Everyone knew that K was self-conscious about his appearance. The way he was always buying more face masks, the way he always wore baggy shirts, and how he would always be on some sort of diet. But they never knew just how bad it was. They did make sure that K at least at one meal with them a day, along with some snacks while they trained, and it wasn't their fault they didn't know. K had always been good at hiding things. So good that there were many things that his other team mates never really knew what was going on. They didn't know that after they would have him eat, he would almost race up to the bathroom and shove his fingers down his throat to get all the food he just ate out of him. They didn't know how he counted the calories; they didn't know about the scale K had hidden in the bathroom that he was using constantly to check his weight. They didn't know. They just didn't know. But how could they when he hid. This was how K liked it. They didn't need to know so why tell them. Besides if they knew wouldn't they laugh and bully him. Or they might get annoyed and decide he's not worth it and kick him off the team. Then what would he do? No, it was safer if he didn't tell them. But it isn't as easy as it seems.
The whole team had gotten takeout from their favorite restaurant to celebrate their latest victory when they almost found out, more specifically Chubby almost found out. Chubby was probably the last person K wanted to know about his problems. Not because he didn't like him but because Chubby has the biggest mouth of the whole team with him around there were very few secrets at the ZGDX base.
"K what are you waiting for? Dig in. Before I eat yours." Chubby told him from across the table. "Oh, I'm not very hungry tonight. Besides I'm on a new diet." K told him and smiled a fake smile. "But you haven't eaten all day! Surely you must be hungry. Eat!" Chubby replied from across the table. "I'm fine Chubby. And I did have some dried mango before we left." "K, that isn't enough for the whole day you know. Besides it wouldn't hurt to go off whatever new diet you're on this month just for one night. I don't even think you should even be on those silly things. You're basically skin and bones as is." Ming said to him nudging his shoulder and taking another bite of his food. K loved Ming; he really did. Ming had been his big brother since he started recruiting him but right now Ming was really trying his patience. He didn't need to be told to eat like he was a child. He had eaten something already that day. He just wasn't hungry. So Chubby and Ming could go to the moon or something. He just wanted them to leave him alone. "Yeah, K. You're acting like if you eat it'll make you be as fat as Chubby." Cat said from where he sat next to K on the side Ming wasn't at. Even though Cat was his best friend he really wanted to punch the guy sometimes. K switched his gaze from staring blankly at the wall to looking at his teammates. Cheng and Tong Yao were talking to each other and laughing being completely oblivious to the conversation everyone else was having. Lu Yu was taking pictures of them to post and us as blackmail, while everyone else seemed to have their eyes on K. Ming was looking worriedly at him, Chubby was trying to get him to join in the feast, Cat was making jokes about the situation that everyone else found funny except for K. Cat's jokes made him even more self-conscious of his body. Would he really become as big as Chubby if he let himself eat like his body was screaming at him to do? Before he could stop them, tears sprung up into his eyes. The conversation stopped immediately when K shoved his chair back forcefully and ran off outside. Everyone looked around puzzled of what just happened. "I'll go check on him." Ming said and ran off in the direction he saw K go. Ming stopped when he got outside and looked around until he found K sitting on the edge of the cliff area with his head in his hands, his knees curled up to his chest like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. Ming quietly approached K and sat down beside him. They just sat there in silence until Ming spoke. "Are you okay? What happened in there that made you storm out?" K just turned his face away from Ming. He couldn't let him see him cry. Ming tried again to get K to talk. "Are you tired from the game? Did something happen earlier maybe with the fans?" A shake from Ks head was all the response he got. In fact, the fans had bothered him that day, but he just tried to brush it off and forget about what she had said to him. But now all the words she said to him was coming back. "Why doesn't K look as hot as the others?" She had asked her friend when the game had ended. He was walking by the stairwell where they were talking and overheard them. "I'm sure that maybe if lost a few pounds he'd be a lot more attractive. He has been looking chubbier lately. Some weight loss should do him some good." K had walked away after that, but their words still rung in his ears and now he knew that it wasn't just him that saw how ugly he looked. "I'm okay Ming. I- I just needed some air." He lied. Ming didn't buy that of course but didn't question him in case he upset the Jungler. They headed back inside where everyone was waiting. No one asked any questions from the look Ming sent them and continued to eat. K ate a little to keep everyone happy but as soon as the dinner was over, and everyone went to do their own things he ran up to the bathroom and made himself throw it all back up again.
But that night his other teammates started piecing things together.
For the next few weeks K ate less and less and every time he did eat, he made himself purge. He started getting dizzy and his vision blacked out for a moment when he would stand up. He found himself more tired and spent most of his time when he wasn't training, sleeping. Whenever Cat went up to the bedroom he shared with K at night, he would find K already dead asleep on his bed and he wouldn't get back up until it was time to start training. Cheng noticed that K reflexes weren't good as they should be in and out of the games. Tong Yao noticed how quiet K had gotten recently, yes, he had been always quiet but now it was almost like he was mute. Chubby saw how much food K would leave on his plate. And Ming. Ming noticed everything. He watched K with worried eyes everyday wondering what had happened to the boy he had become to see as his younger brother. Answers would come to all of them though soon enough.
K didn't know what had happened one minute he was walking down the staircase the next his vision blacked out on him again and he felt himself falling and then a sharp pain on his head before everything went completely black.
When he woke up, he saw only a warm light come from a bar light behind him and white walls. He could feel something in his throat, but he didn't know what. He looked around the strange place he was in he saw Cat and Ming were asleep in two chairs to the left of him. He jumped as he heard a door open but relaxed when he saw that it was only his teammates. Then he tensed when he saw that it was his teammates. K had already worked out that he was in a hospital, did they know then? Were they here to tell him he was off the team? Thoughts overtook his mind. Ming woke up when he heard the once steady beeping turned into a frantic sound. He saw that K was awake and he looked terrified. What probably shocked him the most though was the tears. In all the time Ming had known him he had never seen the younger man cry before. K slowly came back down from his panic attack when he heard someone saying thing quietly to him and holding his hand and another hand gently stroking his hair. When he was completely back, he wiped away the tears as quick as could and stared down at his hands. Everyone looked at him worried and also distraught at what they had seen. Like Ming not once had they ever seen him cry, but they also had never seen him look so scared before. Ming stopped stroking K's hair, and talking to him but he didn't let go of his hand. He just felt that K needed to know someone was there for him. "Do you know?" K asked in a hoarse voice that even he flinched at. They didn't say anything which was all K needed to confirm that they did in fact know. Tong handed him a glass of water that he gratefully took. "Why?" Cat finally asked breaking the silence. "What?" K asked. "Why? Why? Why would you do this!? Why would hurt yourself like this!? I knew something was wrong. The way you were always so tired. But I never said anything because I thought you would tell me! K I've been your best friend for years. Why would you not tell me this? Why would you not even tell Ming! We could have helped you!" he didn't know why but something inside him hearing Cat say that to him made K snap. "HOW! How would you help me! Why are you telling me that I should have told you! You don't need to know everything about me! Just mind your own business! I'm fine on my own! I always have been, and I have killed myself yet! And now you think that you have the right to ask me why! Why not! You don't know what it's like! You have always been perfect! I've never heard anyone say that you needed to lose weight! That you were ugly! That you were never good enough and better off dead! But you think you can just come in here and say you knew that something is wrong! How many times do I have to tell you that I AM FINE! I don't need your help or anyone else's!" He shouted at him. He didn't need anyone his mind told him. But his heart, however, was scared. Scared that they would hate him so he thought it be better to push them away before they could hurt him. It unfortunately was nothing new for him to be hurt by people so he had some major trust issues from that, the only person that he could start to trust right now was Ming. But wasn't he just going to hurt him like everyone else? If his parents could do it couldn't everyone else? Why hadn't Ming let go of his hand yet? Once again tears sprung into his eyes. He tucked his knees back to his chest and hid his head in them as they poured out. They started slowly but then they turned into gasping sobs. Ming sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled the younger into his chest for a hug as he sobbed. Tong Yao walked over to the other side and gently rubbed his back soothingly. She didn't know what was going on with K, but she cared for him, and her instincts were telling her that he needed comfort. Chubby looked shocked at K's outburst. Cat looked like he wanted to cry. Cheng looked sad. Lu Yue looked like he understood him. "Are you going to kick me off the team?" K sobbed out looking to Cheng. This question shocked everyone. "Never." Cheng answered him. K put his head back on his knee and continued to sob. It was like everything he had been holding back, every tear, every scream, every sob were finally breaking out. Ming and Tong Yao continued to comfort him until his sobs quieted and the saw that he had fallen back asleep.
Later after talking to the doctor K was released from the hospital and they started to head home together. Everyone was given instructions for K's eating disorder that they planned to enforce. K fell asleep again on the bus, his body finally getting the peaceful rest that his body was being denied on the way home. When they got back to the bus, they decided to wake him up and Cat carried him up to their room trying to ignore how much K didn't weigh as he did.
They were always going to care for him. They were not just a team they were a family so let all the secrets be revealed.