BROKEN GLASS. TOM KAULITZ

xxv . recovery

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"CLEARING OUT, HUH?" Chris and Genevieve walk up to me, holding hands. If the events of the last few weeks have done anything, they've made them a stronger couple. So strong, in fact, it doesn't really matter they have nothing in common because they're really, really serious about each other now.

I wasn't there when it happened, but I think it means he's over me.

I reach into my locker, pull out all of my books and set them on the floor next to the garbage bag beside me. I don't know how such a small rectangle of space could hold so much crap, but there it is.

"Yep," I say. Wedged in the very back of the top shelf is a t-shirt I thought I'd lost ages ago. I toss it into the garbage bag.

"Will you have to repeat the year?" Genevieve asks, head leaning on Chris' shoulder.

"Would that make you happy?"

"I just wondered."

"Gardner and Smith are working something out. I'll be graduating; I just won't be..." I toss a few crumpled pieces of paper into the garbage. "I just won't be here."

"We-, I'll miss you," Chris pauses, looking between Genevieve and I quickly before correcting himself.

My locker is empty. They didn't want me to come back and empty it, but I insisted. I didn't want anyone else touching my things. I tie up the garbage bag and brush my hands on my jeans.

"It's not like I won't still live two streets away," I remind him, pulling my hair out of the ponytail and doing it up into a bun.

"Yeah, I know," he says. "I just thought it was worth saying."

So this is it. These things happen fast, I guess. From the moment in the hall to telling Gardner the truth to her creaming herself and telling my parents to them crying to the news slowly traveling through the school and not everyone thinks it's my fault, but no one can say anything for sure.

And I'm supposed to know what to do with that. Just like that. The Olivia Quinn murder is all over the local news and sometimes I make myself watch it for hours. They're calling it a kind of nervous breakdown. I don't know. I've had a couple appointments with that shrink. It was okay.

"Big game against St. Mary's next weekend," Genevieve butts in tensely, changing the subject. There's something validating about the fact she still sees me as a threat, even like this.

"Decide on the cheer?" I ask.

"Not yet."

"Do the 'win, lose, it's all the same' one."

Her eyes light up. "You think?"

I nod. "I think."

She studies me. "You're not serious."

"I am," I insist. "I'd even come to the game just to watch everyone laugh at you."

She turns pink.

"Maybe you should see if they can't do something about your personality when they're fixing your brain," she snaps.

"Anyway," Chris says quickly. He gives me a hug. "We've got to go. We're meeting Jaden for lunch. You need a ride or anything?"