love is only a feeling | minsung

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Love is only a feeling...
Love is only a feeling...
<3

Minhos eyes opened the next morning as rain pounded the windows. Water hitting the puddles outside could be heard from the cracked window of his room. The cool air drafting its way inside to put a chill on anyone bones who dare step foot out of their warm morning cocoons.

He rolled over, groaning at his tense muscles and stretching them the best he could. He was sore but his first priority was seeing how Jisung felt and if he wanted anything to ease the soreness he probably felt.

So he opened his eyes to see where Jisung had scooted during the night.

Though he saw jisungs side of the bed was neatly made. The sheets tucked under the pillow and the pillow fluffed neatly. His phone gone from the nightstand where it usually sat.

Immediately, Minho sat up and looked around the room. The clothes he had put Jisung in the night before were neatly folded at the end of the bed.

Minho got up and moved out of the room quickly, having a bad feeling about all of this. His stomach was wrenching as he opened the door and walked quickly down the hallway.

Impending doom.

There, in the living room, Jisung sat on the couch. He had his slippers on and was counting his belongings trying to take account of everything he'd brought the night he came. He was even wearing the clothes he'd worn that night. Minho had washed them for him the very next day.

"Jisung," Minho breathed out and the other's eyes moved to him immediately. Minho watched the color drain from jisungs face in an instant. Watched fear crease his eyebrows and sadness flood his wide eyes.

"Minho," Jisung said softly and stood with everything in his hands.

"What are you doing?" Minho asked softly and tilted his head a bit.

"I'm going home," he said it so simply with a smile inching its way on his face. Like it was a place he'd been desiring for so long.

"Okay.." Minho said wearily, "you weren't going to say goodbye?"

"It would have made this harder," Jisung said softly and looked away from Minho for a moment before his eyes flitted back up to the others.

"Are you at least coming back? I could take you there—"

"No," Jisung said softly and shook his head.

"No?" Minho asked.

"Mhm," Jisung said, "no,"

Jisung looked at the couch and then his belongings and then turned to walk to the door. Minho quickly caught up with Jisung and pulled him back by his arm.

"What about last night?"

"Last night was a mistake,"

Such a short sentence yet so impactful.

"A mistake?" Minho asked as knives pierced his heart so painfully.

"Yeah," jisung said softly, "it shouldn't have happened. I have a boyfriend—"

"One that abuses you, Jisung!" Minho said and stepped forwards, desperate for Jisung to listen to him and stay.

"He gets mad sometimes.. and I suppose I can't blame him because I get mad at myself too.." Jisung said softly and looked down, "he has every right to be mad at someone like me."

"Don't talk about yourself like that!" Minho said and reached forwards, holding jisungs shoulders in his arms to keep him there just a moment longer. Moments were truly never enough though. Especially not now.

"It's true," Jisung said and looked up at Minho with teary eyes, "but I love him.. and this.. what we did— that's not how I'm supposed to convey that—"

"That's not love.. wasn't the whole point of this to show you what it was supposed to feel like?"

"Maybe so," Jisung said softly and sniffled, "but.. in the beginning you said you'd be whatever I wanted you to be.. now I want you to step back and let me do what I have to do.. I'm probably gonna be in trouble already and I can't risk getting in more.. thank you for everything you did.. I'm so glad that I could have this experience— but I have to face this. I have to face him sooner or later, Minho,"

Minho dropped his hands and swallowed heavily.

"A mistake, huh?" Minho asked softly as he looked at the floor for anything to distract his mind from it all. To distract himself from the feeling of being left like this even when he knew that in the end this was how it would turn out.

"Yeah," jisung breathed out, "I shouldn't have slept with you, Minho,"

"It wasn't a mistake to me.." Minho shook his head and cursed himself internally for getting so worked up, "it was—"

"Amazing? Yeah.. I know. The best I've ever had but, Minho," jisung breathed out his name, the word barely falling from his lips and reaching Minhos ears, "this isn't where I'm supposed to be.."

"Then what huh?" Minho asked, exasperated, "you're supposed to be there? With him? Getting shit on any time you so much as breathe?"

"I have to do this—"

"You don't have to do anything!" Minho cried out, "you're your own person with your own feelings. Don't let him decide for you where you're supposed to be,"

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be, Minho," Jisung whispered though is sounded muddled through his tears. He could barely speak or hear through the pain in his heart.

"If he finds out—" jisungs voice cracked and he cleared his throat once before speaking again, "if he finds out that I slept with you, Minho.. I'm as good as dead. You already said that last night on the phone so I'm sure it's only bad things waiting for me at home.."

Minho said nothing and stepped forwards to hug Jisung. The smaller hesitated before sinking into warmth for what could be the last time. Jisung felt like this situation was like getting into a hot tub to relax and then jumping into a cold pool that would do nothing but shock him.

"Thank you for everything," Jisung whispered against Minhos chest.

It was difficult for the older to find the words to say. To find the things he wanted to say to Jisung for the last time. Though nothing slipped between his lips. Only breaths that could bring tears to his eyes in minutes.

"Goodbye Minho," Jisung whispered and stepped back.

Slowly he grabbed his things and gave Minho one last glance before walking out the door. The soft click of the latch only sealed the goodbye for Minho.

Jisung had left.