Can I Steal You For A Second? (Jensoo)

Episode 16

The next days were some of the worst of my life.

The crying stopped, eventually. Turns out you can run out of tears. But the feeling that a crucial part of me had been torn out didn't go away.

Sometimes it felt like the battery. I'd lie in my Convent bunk underneath Heather, and the thought of doing anything or moving even the slightest amount seemed impossible.

Other times it felt like it was the brakes. I'd be washing up in the kitchen or mopping the floor or even just sitting outside on the verandah, and even though I was doing something small and quiet, it felt like I was careening out of control. I was going to crash into that last day, the day when Jisoo and Jisoo told each other that their hearts were two halves of the same whole and walked out of here hand in hand, and even though I could see it up ahead, there was no way I could steer around it.

But realistically, it was the engine that was gone. No matter which way you looked at it, I just didn't function anymore.

You could build new engines. Better engines. I knew that. I'd done it. I would do it again.

But it wasn't easy, and it wasn't cheap, and it took a long, long time.

Our last day in the Convent should have been grey and stormy, but it wasn't. The sun was bright and warm, turning the lake a glittering silver. There were a few clouds, but they were white and fluffy, the kind a little kid would draw. As morning turned into afternoon, the light took on a golden tinge, like champagne. The network was going to get the perfect backdrop for the fairy-tale romance Murray had promised them.

He'd been here earlier, talking to Cece, who, it turned out, was set to be the lead on the next season of Wherefore Art Thou Romeo? – something that was going to be very interesting, considering what a disaster she was on camera. When he was finished with Cece, he sent Lily to get me. 'No,' I said shortly.

She'd raised an eyebrow. 'No?'

'No, I don't want to talk to him.'

'You don't know what he's going to say.'

'I don't care.'

Lily paused. 'Murray is not a nice man,' she said, 'but he's not a bad guy.'

When I looked over to where she'd been standing, she was gone.

The first limo arrived to take us away in mid-afternoon. I was hoping I'd be in it, but the limos were allocated by producer, just like they had been that first night. Carrie's contestants went first. The second limo took Suzette's, leaving only Cece, Heather, Lily and I in the Convent.

Time stretched on. The perfect day was going to give way to a perfect night, the sky clear and full of stars.

That was probably why Murray was so late. He was holding back. He probably had the Jisoos stashed away somewhere, waiting for nightfall, for the perfect backdrop to shoot them declaring their love for each other.

They'd put her in something white. No, silver. Sparkly. She looked great in sparkles. She'd look like the moon had come to life and descended to Earth.

The creases would appear in the corners of Romeo-Jisoo's eyes as he took her hands. Jisoo, your heart is the other half of mine, he'd say.

The stars would be a spray of pearlescent glitter behind them as they kissed, the perfect backdrop for the picture-perfect couple.

I got up and went inside. It was either that or throw myself in the lake.

Time ticked on. Murray still didn't come.

'How long do you think it's going to take?' I asked eventually.