will they? won't they? | gawsten

chapter five: healing and pretending

when the band got back to the bandwagon and otto and jawn busied themselves inside, geoff took the opportunity to stop awsten before he retired inside, and probably to bed.

"hey," geoff said, catching awsten's arm in his hand, smiling gently when he turned around to face him. "are you alright?"

"yeah," the blue boy replied, as geoff had suspected.

"are you sure?" geoff asked, his blue eyes swimming in concern. "you seemed super down up there."

"really," awsten smiled, lying his hand over geoff's that still stood on his arm. "i'm alright."

they smiled at each other for a moment, the air around them changing into something neither of them could describe, all they knew was that it was new, and good.

"i gotta go shower," geoff said, eyes not leaving awsten's dual-toned ones, his breath feeling stuck in his throat.

awsten snapped himself out of it, pretending he didn't felt so stuck in his place, his words constricted in his throat. all he could do was nod, feet still rooted in the cement beneath him.

geoff's eyes dipped down for only a second, he almost flinched when he heard awsten's sharp intake of breath. "i'll...um," he cleared his throat, looking behind the blue boy at this point. "i'll see you."

and with that he left.

awsten stood there, more confused than ever, turning around to see the bus door shutting quietly behind the taller. the blue boy stood there for a few extra moments, shaking his stiff hands from the intense tingles he felt in them; a tingle similar to pins and needles but not quite. more similar to what he feels before he has a panic attack, but he didn't let that freak him out this time. he waited until the nerves settled, and headed inside the bandwagon, smiling at otto and jawn; trying to not let off any more alarm bells. he meandered off to the back of the bus, sitting down on his bunk, hearing the shower not too far from him. the blue boy didn't dare lie down, not wanting to stink up his bunk more than he probably already had. he instead got up and located his luggage nearby, setting out his sleepwear, and choosing to sit in their, criminally tiny, living room slash kitchen area.

"you alright?" otto found himself asking, not wanting to let this go any further.

"yeah," the other mumbled, zoning out on the floor.

"yeah, believable," jawn snickered, rubbing his arm after otto whacked him for that one. and you'd think jawn would stop making snide remarks by now, but nope!

"no but seriously," otto took over again, "you were..."

"upset?" awsten finished for him, eyes not even blinking at this point. "yeah, i was."

"about-"

"her," he finished again, "yeah. but healing takes time."

his curly-headed friend nodded, not wanting to press him about the other obvious; what he and geoff were doing outside before they came back in. he just let awsten sulk and zone, knowing there wasn't much to help him, no matter how much jawn silently pleaded to get a word in about it, but otto's stare shot him down immediately.

at that point geoff finished up in the shower, awsten immediately shooting up and beelining it for the shower, almost forgetting to grab his clothes in the whole process, his brain completely somewhere else as he let auto-pilot take control. he didn't even notice the look geoff gave him, thankfully, he didn't need more of a reason to cry in the shower more than he already did.

"'m getting worried," geoff told his friends quietly, not wanting awsten to hear.

"us too, you're not alone," otto sighed, not knowing what to even do.

"not much we can do though," jawn replied, not caring to even lower his voice. "you heard him, he needs time to heal after what happened."

the other two didn't want to listen to him, but deep down they knew he had a point...for once. geoff sighed, retiring to his bunk.

awsten let it all go the second he turned the shower on, but having the forethought to silence his sobs as much as he could to not make the others any more concerned about his, already deteriorating, mental state. he knew he'd be fine with time, but he wished that time was up.

he didn't want to like geoff. he didn't want to go through this all. he didn't want to continue to mourn his failed relationship. he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

he finished up as quick as he could, just wanting to rot in his bed for the night, and not wanting to be heckled by jawn again this week. he wiped his eyes, blew his nose and mentally prepared himself for the short walk from the bathroom door to his bunk.

the blue boy threw his towel in the nearby laundry hamper, opened the door, and sauntered over to his bunk; all as rehearsed. what he didn't account for was as he sat down a water bottle came into his vision from somewhere above him out of view. he grabbed it, nearly flinching as the cold hit his skin, or the condensation dripping onto his bare leg.

"thanks," he said, knowing geoff was right above him as he was every time they've toured together.

"mhm," the older hummed sleepily, falling asleep pretty much right there and then.

awsten pretended that he didn't think it was cute, nope not at all, and tucked himself into bed.