Vulnerable

Chapter 8

TW- mentions of suicide & PTSD

Billie

I knocked on the door with a bit more intensity than maybe I meant to, so I looked down at my shoes and took a deep breath. Trying my best to contain the anger that had been bubbling up in my body for days.

The sound of the door opening snapped my attention back up, my eyes falling on a very disheveled, very exhausted looking Aria.

My shoulders softened at the site of her and her eye contact with me was brief before she looked at the floor and mumbled a quick 'hi'.

"Hi." My voice still laced with a hint of anger, but something inside of me knew after seeing her that whatever was going on, likely had nothing to do with me. "Can I?" I asked, pointing behind her and into her condo.

She shook her head slightly before stepping back into her living room, "Yeah sorry- of course." I followed her, shutting the door behind me and noticing that every single light in the entire place was on. The harshness of all the light was almost unsettling, but I decided not to ask about it and focused my attention back to her.

She didn't say anything to me before sitting down on the couch, pulling her legs up and crossing them under her and tucking her hands inside of her sweatshirt. Her body language, the complete opposite of every other time I'd been with her. She was reserved, distant, and...scared?

I sat down next to her cautiously, leaving an awkward distance between us as if my presence would damage her in some way.

Then, I waited.

What felt like minutes passed of nothing but complete silence, and it was slowly suffocating me. My eyes hadn't left her, but her eyes were everywhere except on me.

Her gaze eventually settled on Jax who was sleeping against the couch closest to her, and finally she spoke. "I know that this all probably seems really bad from your perspective..."

I snorted, crossing my arms over my chest. "It seems like we had sex and then you ghosted me."

She flinched at my words, pulling at the sleeves of her hoodie and shaking her head adamantly.

"No. Billie, that's not what this is." Her hazel eyes raised and locked with mine for the first time since she'd opened the door, they looked more tired than she did, and a part of me started to believe her.

"Then what, Aria? I need to understand what's going on. Please...whatever it is- it's better than this." I breathed out, pointing at the distance between us on the couch.

She closed her eyes and took in a shaky breath, and I realized she was trying not to cry. I uncrossed my arms and turned to face her on the couch, moving just a bit closer. Her eyes opened and I looked at her softly now, "I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to talk." I assured her.

"Something happened about a year ago that changed everything about my life." She started, focusing her attention on a loose thread on the throw pillow beside her.

"One of the kids who had been on my caseload for years...took his own life."

The breath in my throat caught and I slid my hand along the back of the couch, finding hers and gripping it tightly. She was on autopilot now, doing her best to get the words out without thinking too much about what she was saying.

"I went to check on him after not being able to get ahold of him and when I got there the door to the apartment was open and all of the lights were off, and I..."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and I raised my other hand to wipe them away as she continued to stare at the thread.

"I found him. It had been days." She choked out, turning her head and wiping her nose on her sleeve.