Echoes of Home

14 - Tsu'na

Husband's pancakes were not as good as the ones at the diner. Perhaps prairie flour is not good for them. The okie pretzel was better after we worked out how to make the butter. Husband says there are buffalo in this world, but it is not easy to find their milk.

The tests used up a lot of shards, so I went out to collect more. He did wake as I got off the couch, so I told him where I was going and left without him. When I checked my map at the gathering area I saw he did not follow me.

There did not seem a point to anger. Yet I was out in a field away from Husband, harvesting trees for shards. It is something to do without thinking. Husband calls such things "zen-like". He says some people believe not thinking makes for clearer thinking. So I was trying hard to not think as I chopped.

I spent hours working and not thinking. At first I could only think of thinking about not thinking, which was a little annoying, but as I spent time only worrying about my hatchet I thought about less.

I noticed the deer later in the day. It was at the edge of the forest, reaching its head up to eat at leaves hanging down. I stopped and watched it. It did not stay in one spot. It wandered from place to place as it ran out of leaves within reach.

Husband called it "real". It did seem to have more life to it than an antelope in Eorzea.

I cut a low branch from the same sort of tree it was eating. I held the branch in front of me and walked slowly to it. Gathering Sneak helped me get close. It did not attack me or run away.

When I was close enough the deer started eating leaves from my branch. I was feeding it.

This was an animal that eats. That probably shits and pees. That has baby deer that grow up to be deer.

This was an animal I killed. That Husband killed after he saw me kill it.

This is what Husband called "real".

I felt tears running down my face. I think I am real too.

Husband had said, "You're as real as I am."

I think I will ask him to make pancakes for me in the morning.