Rockland • [Justin Foley]

I am not Blaine Baker

Rockland

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⏮   One   ⏭

Lets get one thing straight, this is not a love story, in fact it is the exact opposite of love. It is a story of pain, death, and suffering. The story of the girl who hated her body. The story of the girl who's sister killed herself. Good people broken, innocent kids become fresh meat for the dogs.

I am Blaine Baker, and this is my story.

---

The breeze kills me every night. I can't sleep anymore, not since Hannah has gone. On the especially bad nights I create a false reality in my head to keep me sane.

It's a reality where Hannah is still alive, one where I love myself. We laugh and never cry. We talk about boys and she comes to all of my wrestling matches. Every Sunday we go to I-Hop and get double blue berry waffles.

But its not real, it is just my imagination.

Hannah is dead.

My beautiful brilliant Hannah.

My sister. She's in the ground I stand on.

It all started when our family moved to Crestmont the summer before our sophomore and junior year.

You and I were the "new girls". I didn't care about the label. But you did.

Oh Hannah you cared more than anything to be liked by everyone. You tried so hard. You where the people pleaser.

I couldn't have been more different. You told me once that different is a good thing. But you were wrong, because now, you're gone.

Things changed between us, you became friends with Jess and Alex. You didn't have time for me anymore. I found it funny, abandoned without a second thought. Then I met Clay. You liked him. Oh you liked him so much. He was in love with you. He knew he couldn't have you. No one could. You couldn't stay in one spot for long. You are like a tree with its roots cut off.

Clay is weird, socially awkward. You liked that about him. He is different. You liked different, until you didn't anymore. Clay is probably the only friend I have right now, all thanks to you, so I guess one good thing came out of all of this.

Now that your gone, I'm next in line. When I walk through the halls everyone's heads turn. Not like how they did because you were pretty. No. No, because I'm the dead girl's sister.

---

"Hello? Earth to Clay! Anyone up there?" I waved my hand in front of the brunette's face.

At my sudden presence he jumps, snapping his head back in reality. "God! Blaine, warning!"

I laugh at his jumpiness, "Sorry man, whatca spacing about anyway?" I watch as his gaze fell to his shoes. "Nothing, don't worry about it."

It didn't take any thought for me to recognize what he was looking at now. I turned my head to look across the hall. "Clay you have to stop this, she's not coming back."

Hannah's locker sits untouched, covered in flowers and notes from people who never knew her. Not truly. "I know." Clay whispers. I can tell by his tone he is desperately trying not to touch a nerve in me. I never show it but, I know he knows I miss her too. I can't talk about her so I just ignore everything that happened. I will pretend she is still here, just sick at home.

Yes, that's why she hasn't been at school in weeks. She is just very, very ill.

But I know that isn't true.