Undesired | Verkwan

3

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Waking up later than usual, Hansol saw a blurry figure walking around the dorm. Rubbing his eyes to see clearer he realized it was Seungkwan, who was now tying his shoelaces. "Where are you going?" he asked out of nowhere, a deep morning voice rasping out, shocking Seungkwan as he looked up from his shoes to Hansol. "I was going to meet my twin and check the campus activities during the semester"

"Would you like to join? I can wait for you to get ready" he suggested.

Lifting his phone, Hansol checked the time.

10:07 am.

He had his shift at the restaurant in less than 40 minutes. "Should I skip it?" he thought, shocking himself. He never thought that before. "Fuck it" he muttered, and got up from the bed, making Seungkwan smile and sit to wait for him.

A few minutes later, Hansol exited the bathroom to the sight of a startled Seungkwan hastily trying to put his hoodie back on. Not thinking much of it, he took his keys and phone, before putting on his shoes. To his surprise, he wasn't nervous to hang out with someone new. Usually, he would dread leaving bed to do something other than work and eat, but the thought of hanging out with Seungkwan like he did the night before was exciting to him. It was the first time he had so much fun with someone else's company in a while.

A knock on their dorm's door was heard and Seungkwan opened the door to reveal his brother. "Hey Gyu," He said as the taller engulfed him in a warm hug, seeming like a giant teddy to Hansol. "Hey kwannie" Mingyu replied, squeezing him more.

With a chuckle, Seungkwan pulled away and introduced his dormmate, "Gyu, this is Chwe Hansol. Hansol, this is Mingyu, my twin brother" The two shook hands as Hansol tried his best to keep a small smile on his face.

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The three strolled quietly on campus as the gentle morning breeze blew over their heads.

"Did you check the volleyball team schedule? I heard they accept first years for tryouts soon" Seungkwan told Mingyu as the other's eyes sparkled in excitement. Sports was a major part of his life and he would love to keep it that way. "Let's go check that first"

"Do you have an activity you want to do, Hansol?" Seungkwan asked the quiet boy as he handed him the flyer.

Hansol's eyes skimmed through all the possible options and then shrugged. "I don't have anything in mind"

Seungkwan suddenly let out an excited gasp and said "Let's go find you something! We'll try all the activities and see what you enjoy more"

And just like that the journey to find Chwe Hansol an activity he would like started.

"I don't really like chess, Seungkwan" Hansol said scratching the back of his neck trying to convince the older he didn't need to know what his new activity would be.

"How about swimming? There's a swimming team here" A small smile crept to Hansol's face. As much as he didn't want to do this, seeing how hard Seungkwan was working to find him something he would enjoy made him feel important.

As Hansol was about to answer, Seungkwan's phone rang loudly but the other just ignored and kept talking. "Or maybe you could try the volleyball with Mingyu," he said. Hansol tilted his head in confusion "Seungkwan, your phone is ringing" The boy sighed and rolled his eyes when he saw the caller ID. Hoonie Hyung.

"Excuse me for a moment," Seungkwan said and answered the phone.

"Seungkwan, your appointment started twenty minutes ago. Where are you?"

"I told Dad I'm not going"

"What do you mean you're not coming?" Seungkwan could hear Jihoon sighing from the other side trying to calm himself. He knew he was being petty and childish, but he didn't want to go. He's been going to hospital appointments for so long and nothing ever happened. The medications never removed his eczema scars and the pills didn't stop his allergies from getting worse. He saw no point in going anymore.

"Seungkwan get ready. I'm coming to pick you up in ten" Jihoon hung up the phone before his youngest brother could argue back.

"Damn it" Seungkwan muttered under his breath, feeling frustrated with his bossy brother. "He just wants what's best for you, Kwan" was what his twin would always tell him when he complained about it, but what does he know? He wasn't the one struggling to breathe each time he thought of eating chocolate. Coming to think about it, Seungkwan hasn't eaten chocolate in almost two years, despite his older brother's orders to slowly eat the foods that cause his allergies to build more immunity towards them. Each time he thought of trying, he would end up panicking and deciding not to anymore.

"Are you okay?" He heard a familiar voice ask.

"Yeah, but I think I have to go" Seungkwan answered Hansol, giving him his signature charming smile even though he wasn't feeling like being nice to anyone at the moment. "I'll go back to the dorm to pick some stuff. Keep looking around and tell me if you find something. Bye!" He used the happiest tone he could and waved goodbye at Hansol before escaping back to their dorm, leaving the shy boy confused and alone in the middle of campus.

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"Take off your hoodie" Jihoon ordered using his strict doctor voice on his brother.

Much to Seungkwan's distaste, Jihoon brought his husband, Soonyoung to their appointment which means they weren't alone like usual. He hated it.

Looking awkwardly back and forth at his brother and brother-in-law before slowly taking off his hoodie. A gasp was heard as the two looked at Seungkwan's arms.

"You haven't been using the medication, have you?" Jihoon said, tone softer than before. Knowing his brother would be able to tell through his lie, he decided to tell the truth and shake his head. "Why, Kwannie? Why?" His brother asked, a little more desperate this time.

"It doesn't make a difference, Hyung. We've tried everything and nothing worked"

He could tell that Jihoon was trying his best to hold back everything he wanted to say. His mouth was shut but his eyes were telling Seungkwan what his mouth couldn't. Feeling guilty, Seungkwan looked away from his brother, unable to look at him. Jihoon reached for his brother's arm, gently running his gloved hand over the eczema scars, causing Seungkwan to hiss in pain.

"Kwannie, look at me" It was his brother-in-law who spoke this time. He did as he said. "I know it feels like you're stuck with this forever, but you have to try" Soonyoung held his hand as he spoke, carefully picking his words. "Your brother is doing his best for you so you need to do the same for yourself. Just try"

Slowly turning to look at his brother, Seungkwan can see how tired he was. How exhausted he was feeling. The dark circles around his eyes getting worse than before. Jihoon has been doing these appointments for him every two months to check on him ever since he was ten. It's been 8 years and nothing changed. His condition only worsened as he grew. Jihoon said it would get better when he turned 16, but nothing changed. Seungkwan had to live with this, that's what he convinced himself, completely letting go of the medications and just trying to avoid his feelings and pain in general.

He put on this happy-go-lucky facade and wore hoodies or long-sleeved shirts all the time. That way no one would question his arms and he wouldn't need to think about it anymore.

Seungkwan tried for his brother and fathers, but he couldn't do it anymore. This was the part of him he'd keep hiding forever.

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