Idiot..

6. Mistake

AXEL POV:

   '3 Months have passed. The second semester of school starts and as I spent more time with Rayne, I find myself drawn to their presence. Every interaction, every shared moment, just made me melt. It wasn't just Rayne's smile or the way their laughter filled the room; it was the genuine connection we shared, the way we just clicked when we started talking. Just in their presence, I feel understood in a way I've never had before, and with each passing day, I realized that my feelings for Rayne were evolving into... something. Not even God could explain my feelings when I was around them. 

     We ate lunch together under the same tree I sit by every day. I look at them while they calmly eat their food, rambling on about some song that they recently listened to. I nod my head as they talk, pretending to listen. God, they're perfect. The perfect person for me. I can't hold it back anymore. As they ramble, I hold their hand. They stop speaking.

"W-What?" I say, looking at everywhere but their face out of embarrassment. 

"What are you doing?" Rayne says, nervously laughing.

"Uh- There was a..."

"A what?"

"Bug."

"There was a bug?"

I nod my head. The bell rings and I let go of their hand. 

"Are you sure? I didn't see any bugs around here-" Rayne starts. I shush them.

"There was a bug, Okay? Jesus Christ. Let it go!" I snap back. 

"Okay! Okay... Jeez."

We walked to our 5th period and sat down in our assigned seats. I stare at Rayne the entire time. 

Today was the day.

I get the note from my backpack and check it. I read it over and over again. 

Today was the day I finally got the thing that's been on my chest for months on end. 

At the end of the day, I tap Rayne on the shoulder as they leave campus.

"Here," I slap their shoulder with the letter. "Read this once you get home."

"What is it?" Rayne asked. 

"J-Just read it, okay? God, stop asking questions. Just... do it. Okay?' 

"Deal."

I watched as Rayne walked away, the note in hand.'

And I think about that day, every fucking day of my life. 

RAYNE POV:

 I sat on my bed and opened the note. 'Dear Rayne,' I shove the paper face down on my back the note back up.

"What the fuck Axel..?" I lean back on my bed. Why him? Out of everybody. Him. "I can't fucking do this." I open my desk drawer and shove the note in, crumbling the paper. An apology. It must be a stupid fucking apology. 

I don't need an apology! 

Sure he was mean and rude but I don't need an apology. I don't want an apology. We're friends now, would Axel not get the hint that I forgave him already? 

Should I read it?


     Why would he write a note? His ego is way too fucking big to even be nervous about this shit. When he has a problem, he always just speaks to me about it. For such an upfront person, why is a letter the way to go about this? 

   I take the letter back out of the drawer. 

AXEL POV:

I wait outside Rayne's classroom to meet them for lunch. My stomach is a mess. Did they read it? Do they like me back? I feel sick to my stomach as I see students rushing out of the classroom to get lunch. Rayne comes out very slowly. We make eye contact and my heart drops. 

"Hey, You okay-" I ask

"I'm fine." They suddenly interrupt me. "Just tired."

"So... Did you read the..."

"Mhm. I did." They start walking ahead of me.

The worst they can say is no.

"So how did you-"

The worst they can say is no..

Right?

"I don't like you, Axel. Not in that way."

Everything goes silent. No more yelling from students, no teachers walking around, no bells. Silence. I just look at Rayne straight in their eyes. Their amazing, beautiful eyes. The ones I used to think about every minute of every hour of every day. 

"W-What?" I say. I feel my throat close up and some pressure behind my eyes.

"I never saw you in that way. But-"

My mouth goes dry. I look down, suddenly embarrassed and flustered by my actions. 

"Fine. Because I didn't mean it."

"You can't go back on this now Ax."

"It was a joke! I admit it!" 

"Those words were too goddamn real for that to be a fucking joke!"

"Some of my friends put me up to it! How big of an ego do you have to even think that I have feelings for someone like you?!"

"How big of an ego do you have to just try and push something like this under the rug?!" Rayne was getting upset at this point. They point at me, their finger shaking.

"God, It's funny how you think I wanted to be your friend. It's sad. Just a loser with one other friend, wanting to be friends with someone like me. I'm pretty well known, you are not." Why am I acting like this? 

Rayne takes a deep breath, trying to steady their emotions. "Axel, right now, I need you to be honest with yourself. Maybe those words slipped out, but there's no denying there's some truth in them. Why would your friends target me specifically for a joke?"

I mumble, "I don't know, Rayne. It's stupid high school crap."

"No, dude, this is about you and your insecurities. I thought we were past this, past the bullying." Rayne's voice softens, a mix of frustration and concern. "You don't have to pretend. If you have feelings, admit it. If you don't, then why go through all this trouble?"

I avoid eye contact, my gaze fixed on the floor as I shuffle my feet uncomfortably. I keep digging the hole deeper for myself. Why do I keep lying? "Look, Rayne, it's not about insecurities or feelings or anything like that. It's just stupid high school drama. My friends dared me, and I thought it'd be a laugh. I didn't think it would turn into this whole thing."

Rayne lets out a sigh. "You're better than this. I can handle a joke, but don't play with people's emotions just for kicks. It's not fair, and it's not something friends do to each other."

I finally meet Rayne's eyes, and for a moment, I see a hurt that cuts deep. "Can't you just get it through your thick skull? We're not friends, we never were."

Rayne's expression hardens. "Fuck you, Axel."

As Rayne walks away, I'm left standing there, a sinking feeling settling in my chest. Maybe it's time to confront those insecurities and figure out who I want to be. I just lied. 

The tears finally come out of my eyes. 

This was a giant, fucking mistake.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

hi chat I got ran over by a car and was in a coma for almost two years now and I died twice but I'm back from the dead and Im finishing what i started