Idiot..

8. Unforgiven

AXEL POV

My entire life I've always been mean. The rough exterior I built around myself was like a wall, protecting me from vulnerability. In a world that often felt harsh and unforgiving, I adopted a persona of detachment, believing it would insulate me from the sting of rejection or hurt.

Whenever I show anybody the tiniest bit of vulnerability, I push them away.

No one deserves to see me at my weakest. 

Not Ryker, Not my sister, Nobody.

Not even Rayne.

Fighting was the only way I could express my emotions while showing that I was tough. That I wasn't a weak, emotional kid. 

My childhood wasn't the greatest either. I live with my sister for a reason. Our mom sucked, but she was the one who signed me up for some stupid boxing classes when I was just a kid.

I can still remember the smell of the gym, and the sound of gloves hitting punching bags echoing off the walls. At the time, I didn't understand why she did it. Maybe it was her way of trying to toughen me up, to be the man I never had.

I wanted to live up to being the 'tough guy that everyone wanted me to be—intimidating, aggressive, and unyielding. It was an act, everything was. Taking lunch money and threatening people for the littlest things. Yet, beneath this tough exterior, I carried the weight of this persona since I entered high school. 

Ryker was the only person to see through me. 

He read me like a book.

He knew who I was really like: an emotional, vulnerable, weak little kid. 

And I was fine with that. One other person isn't a huge deal.

Then Rayne came along. 

Rayne saw through the tough exterior I had carefully crafted, peeling away the layers to reveal the raw vulnerability hidden within. The walls I had built were not impenetrable, but for the first time, I found myself grappling with the discomfort of being truly seen. Rayne's presence forced me to confront aspects of my identity I had long hidden. 

So I pushed them away. 

And now I regret every goddamn second of it.

RAYNE POV

I stare at the typed-out message I was about to send to Axel. 

'Hey'

It felt like it took hours just to type that out. My thumb hovers over the send button. My anxiety spikes and my stomach is a mess. What if Axel doesn't respond? What if he just dismisses it as easily as he did at school? 

I quickly turn off the phone and throw it back onto my bed. I hide my face in my hands out of frustration.

"I can't fucking do this," I mutter to myself. I grab my phone again and turn it on. I go back to the message, staring at the simple 'Hey' that took hours to come up with. I take a deep breath and I press the send button, watching as the message is delivered to Axel. I shut off my phone again before I could see if he read it or not. I shove my phone under my covers and stare at the wall, my hands covering my mouth. 

"Why the fuck was that so hard?" I say into my hands.

I hear a buzz from my phone. I suddenly feel nauseous. 

God, he's gonna reject me, isn't he? He's gonna fucking say that I'm weird or that I am just a stupid person. Why did I do this?

Another buzz snaps me out of my thoughts. I take another breath and pull out my phone. 

'TWO new messages from Axel:'

'never message me again'

'leave me alone'

I stare at the message in disbelief. 

'wdym?'

Axel reads the message and very quickly responds.

'i said jst leave me alone rayne. fuck off'

I look at the message before just shutting off my phone. 

What the fuck was I even thinking?

---------
ERMMMMMMMMm