follow you into the dark - carl grimes

XII

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xii.

the very thought of you
"and i forget to do what i'm supposed to"

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We pull through the Alexandria gates by nightfall, after a particularly silent ride. It's a picturesque little community, untouched by the horrors of the outside world. Snow covered lawns with pruned back rose bushes ready for spring, oversized cookie cutter homes painted in a cohesive neutral color palette, snowmen with carrot noses and acorn smiles. It's so calm and serene, especially under the soft glow of twilight.

I can't help the sigh that leaves me. This was Carl's home. This is where he should have been all this time.

We unload from the plow truck and something awkward falls over us as Rick looks me up and down. From the masked face to my ice bitten bare-feet. Trying to figure out what to do with me.

"Carol's probably got dinner started." Daryl says curtly. "We should head over 'n grab a bite with everyone."

This is code. His way of telling Rick they should have 'everyone' meet me before they decide the plan, see if 'everyone' reacts the same way to me as they did, confirm there's actually something off.

Rick and Daryl head down the sidewalk but Carl lingers, slowly inching forward on the icy cement, and I realize he might need help. Silently, I take his hand in mine. I'm about to lift it to my shoulder but his fingers grip, just as they had in the car.

He's scared. He fears their rejection more than anything. He thinks their odd behavior is directed at him.

"It's me they're behind weird about." I whisper to him as we follow after the two men, passing houses with soft orange light glowing in the windows. "It's not you."

He doesn't say anything, only nods, tightens his hold on my hand.

We turn down a walkway and up porch steps into one of the large homes. It's warm inside and smells like garlic. We are immediately swarmed.

I release Carl as the house seems to swallow him up, person after person crowding him, saying his name. One woman just holds him and cries for five minutes. Rick brings a toddler over and she shyly takes to her brother, offering him her stuffed bear and a gapped smile. Judith. The whole reason I promised Carl in the first place.

I fade into the background, sinking into a dark corner of the living room as life moves around me. I loom there and watch.

I got Carl home. I did it.

No one acknowledges me through all the commotion, and it's better that way. I could even sneak out, if I still wanted to get away. But something stops me.

"Sharon?" Carl calls for me, lifting his face and turning it this way and that, as though trying to sense my presence.

"Here." I say from my corner and then all eyes turn to me. I don't move. No one else does either. They share glances with each other before staring back at me. I'm so happy for the mask, no matter how nutty it makes me look.

"Sharon saved me." He tells them, saying the words like he really believes it. I don't know if I saved him, necessarily. I kept him alive at the very most, and even then I struggled with just that. "I wouldn't have made it home without her."

There's a silence that sits too long given how full the room is before finally, the woman who cried with joy now tries to offer me a smile. "Thank you for what you did for our boy."

She doesn't look like his mother and I know his mother is dead, but she looks over at him like he's her son. There's so much warmth in her gaze when it's on him, warmth in the way they all look at him, that I wonder why he ever questioned their loyalty towards him. He is so loved by these people, this strange gaggle of unlikely family. Odds and ends and mismatched but family all the same.