Lavender

Part 6

   After spending a fun-filled night in the company of the Master of Evil...well, let's just say the wakeup call was loud and clear.  The first thing Phil did once his aching head had stopped throbbing enough to let him stand was to stumble over to his next door neighbor's house and bang on the front door.  When Tony answered the knock, Phil threw himself into his startled friend's arms and begged for help; he'd had enough of trying to mask the pain with booze.  Knowing he couldn't kick his alcohol addiction without help, and having leaned heavily on Tony for support in the past, he nonetheless hoped and prayed that the man would be there for him one more time.

   For his part, Tony was just glad that Phil had finally turned a corner and was beginning to see the light.  He helped his friend into his living room and sat him on the couch while he fetched the man a fizzing sodium bicarbonate drink to help ease his hangover.

   Phil recounted his nightmare to Tony, repeating several times how remarkable it had been to encounter the vision of his wife at the end of it.  "I know it wasn't real.  It was all just a dream.  And I couldn't even see her face 'cause we were both wearing those damn masks.  But after all these months, even with the perfectly horrid circumstances under which it occurred, you have no idea how wonderful it was to hear her voice!" 

   Tony nodded his head and said it was good that Phil still had a clear recollection of what Peggy sounded like.  Then he asked if Phil thought there was a reason why he'd had this particular dream.

   "You mean other than the fact that I was drunk on my ass?" Phil replied.  "Well, since I miss her so much, I can't help but think about Peg almost constantly.  So I guess it's only natural that I would dream about her.  But to explain the presence of the Devil...if there was a reason above and beyond the alcohol for him being there, then it must be a reflection of my desperation to find Peggy."  When Tony raised his eyebrows to such a comment, Phil explained, "It's true.  I've almost reached the point where I really would be willing to sell my soul if I could just have my little woman back."

   Tony pondered that for a moment, then slowly asked, "Do you think it's healthy to be reaching that level of desperation?"

   "No, of course not," Phil replied automatically.  Then he stopped as he realized what he was agreeing to.  He paused briefly, and when he spoke again, his response was more deliberated.  "You're right, Tony.  Nobody should ever let themselves get to the point where they're desperate enough to use their predicament to justify unethical actions."

   "Well, it was only a dream," his friend reminded him.  "You weren't actually bartering with the Devil for your soul."

   "No," Phil agreed, "But it nonetheless is a metaphor for everything I'm doing wrong in my life right now.  Of course I miss Peggy; given similar circumstances, who wouldn't miss their spouse?  But obviously drinking isn't solving the problem for me.  It might hide the pain for a few hours, maybe even a day or two, but when I sober up, it's still there waiting for me.  I suppose I could keep the pain at bay forever, if I was willing to drink myself to death.  But that wouldn't do anybody any good."  With sad, weary eyes, he looked at his neighbor and pleaded, "I ache all the time, Tony.  Life without Peg is becoming unbearable.  Please, I beg of you, tell me how to deal with this!"

   Tony knew Phil wasn't going to like what he had to offer, but he knew it was something that needed to be said.  "Everybody heals at their own rate, and it's not my place to tell you how fast you ought to be moving on that timeline.  But I will suggest that at some point you're gonna need to put this behind you and start getting on with your life."

   "And just give up on Peggy??" Phil asked incredulously.  "Tony, she was my whole world, my everything.  To turn my back on her now would be nothing short of betrayal!"