heartless ~ lucy bronze

chapter 5 ~ why didnt you tell me?

TW: sensitive topics spoken about in this chapter. read at your own risk.
leah williamsons pov:
honestly, i couldve killed lucy when she made that tackle, if you can even call it that. it was more of a full body slam, think she forgot this is football, not wrestling. i watched her walk out of the medical room where abi was, but she didn't see me. her head was hung low and she was sniffling. was she crying? no. theres no way she was crying. she didnt even think the incident was that bad. seriously what did she have to cry over?

soon after lucy was out of my sight, i walked into the room she was once in, to be met with the sight of a clearly upset abi. 'im going to kill her abi. that was a ridiculous challenge! how can she get away with that???' i complain, pacing up and down the room. 'leah- sit down. watching you is making me dizzy.' she says, indicating for me to sit on the end of her bed. 'why did she do that?' i ask in a softer tone, causing abi to let out a shaky breath. 'last night, she was sat on the end of my bed crying, but she thought i was asleep. i felt bad, that i was the reason she was so upset. so i let her sleep in my bed last night. nothing happened, we didnt even touch. but when we woke up this morning it just all went to shit again.' she explains, rubbing her hands over her face. 'i dont know what i was expecting.. but it sure wasn't that...' i say, in slight shock. 'yeah.. once im cleared im going to talk to her. about everything.' she replies, a look of fear on her face. 'everything?' i question, my eyes widening. 'everything' she confirms. 'abi.. i know ive always said you should open up to her, but dont feel like you have to.' i reassure, not wanting her to feel like she has to reveal something so personal to others. 'no. i do have to. she deserves to know. she deserves an explanation. i think im ready to tell her.' she replies, so i grab her hand to show her my support. 'you got this abs.'

abi rivers pov:
once i was cleared, leah helped me back to my room. my back wasnt as sore as it once was, but they still want to rest me as precaution. 'thanks lee.' i say, before carefully wrapping my arms around her. 'its gonna be okay. come and see me after if you need to. ill be with kei and g.' she replies, also wrapping her arms around me. 'okay. i love you.' and with that she was walking down the corridor. time to do what ive been avoiding the last year, tell the truth.

i knock on the door, as i dont have any of my belongings on me, including my key card. lucy opens the door, and steps aside so i can walk in. 'can you help me put these on?' i ask, showing her the heat packs that hopefully will remove the tension in my back. 'yeah, turn around.' she says taking them off of me, and opening the packet. she lifts the back of my shirt up, and begins placing the heat packs all along my back. i wince at the temperature of them against my cold body, which causes lucy to say 'sorry, almost done.' i just nod for her to continue, and once shes done she lifts my shirt down, and throws the empty packets in the bin. 'thank you.' i say, moving to get my hoodie off the bed as it was quite chilly in the room. 'its the least i can do..' she mumbles, standing there awkwardly. 'lucy.. its okay. you had a right to be angry.' i reassure, knowing the guilt was eating away at her. 'but ive hurt you. and now you cant play after being injured for so long.' she stressed sitting down on the end of the bed. i slowly sit down next to her, and place my hand on her knee, which causes her to look up at me, and her eyes just display her pain. 'look, this is just causing more harm than good. you deserve the truth.' i say, as her eyebrows raise slightly. 'the truth?' she questions, slightly confused. 'the truth on why i left.'

lucy bronzes pov:
after all this time, i was finally getting the truth. after nearly a year of self loathing and doubt i was going to find out what causes her to leave me so quickly. 'what happened abi? ive tried to think of everything i might have done, but i cant remember a certain thing ive done that would've made you leave. i thought you wanted a future with me? marriage, kids, a family?' i hesitantly ask, and she closes her eyes as if she was wincing at my question. 'abi?' i ask, getting worried at her lack of response. 'the game when i got injured- i knew i shouldve told someone. looking back its the thing i regret most. it was reckless and irresponsible. i was- i was pregnant lucy. all them rounds of IVF had worked after so long. b-but the impact from the fall..' she stutters, unable to finish her sentence. hot, flurry tears are pouring down her cheeks. she didnt need to finish her sentence. i knew what happened. her body leaked of pain and resentment. she looked so.. broken. i was in shock. part of me was angry. angry that she didnt tell me. angry that she would put herself at risk like that. but the other part of me just felt so sorry for her. she had dealt with this alone, for nearly a year. shes had to live thinking it was her fault this whole time. 'okay. okay. i understand. shhh.' i say, pulling her into me, trying to provide as much comfort as i possibly can. 'im so so sorry lucy. i know how much you wanted a family.' she says inbetween sobs. 'don't apologise. its not your fault. alright?' i reassure, holding her body as tight as i can without hurting her. 'no- it is. i shouldnt have played. i knew i shouldnt have. it was selfish. and actually ruined everything for me, career wise and personally.' she continues to sob. i dont say anything. i just let her open herself up to me, shes bottled all this emotion up for so long, it must've been eating away at her. my heart was just breaking, as if someone was chipping away at it, i even let out a few tears myself, but i stopped them. i had to pull it together.

around 30 minutes later, we are both laying back on my bed, abi still in my grasp. her sobs had quieted down, but the occasional tear fell. 'why didnt you tell me abs? i wouldve helped you through it.' i say, my hand rubbing up and down her arm gently. 'i know how much you wanted a family lucy. i thought i ruined our chances.' she confesses, holding onto me tighter as if i was going to disappear. 'you didnt ruin anything, alright? i dont want you to think that.' i gently scold, feeling guilty that shes had this on her shoulders this whole time. 'i did, but i appreciate you trying to make me feel better.' she half jokes, trying to diffuse the tension in the room. 'no you didnt.' i confirm, my voice softer than it was beforehand. 'how do you not hate me?' she questions, mirroring the same tone of voice. 'even if you did the worst thing in the world, i could never hate you. you've had the shittiest year of your life, not everyone can survive that. if anything i admire you for your determination, for getting through all that.' i admit, looking up at the ceiling of our hotel room. 'ive missed you so much lucy.' she reveals, her voice breaking ever so slightly. 'ive missed you more.' i joke, trying to crack a laugh out of her, which i successfully do. 'i doubt it.' she mumbles against me, her exhaustion evident in her voice. 'get some sleep abi. you've had a long day.' and with that she very quickly falls asleep in my arms, for the first time in a year. ive forgotten how good this feels.

Authors note:
- i didnt want to dive too deep into such a sensitive topic, as i feel a bit off writing about something so serious as child loss, which unfortunately happens to many women every day. but i thought that maybe this could spread awareness to such a serious concept in wlw relationships, that maybe isnt seen as often, but still happens. hope your all okay x