Blitzstone One shots

Angsty angst

Guys so this isn't part of the book I just really wanted to do a like chapter where Hearth is cheated on but this doesn't actually happen so the book will go on as normal after this chapter. t/w suicidal thoughts, suicide and self harm , swearing

Hearth looked at the pill bottle in his hand, his only hope of seeing Andrion again. Tears formed and quivered on the tips of his beautiful lashes, the ones Blitzen loves- NO loved, his face contorted at the thought of him, the man he loved and poured everything out to, a liar and a cheater and nothing but. He put the pills on his bedside table in the Chase Space, where he instantly ran too after finding Blitzen with another dwarf in his apartment.

***

Hearthstone woke from his fitful sleep and looked at the clock, 4:32 am. He walked over to the bathroom and stared at his appearance in the mirror, he tilted his left side to the mirror and saw the mess of what his ear had been were he ripped out the piercings Blitzen had given him with a rush of cold satisfaction. That's all he seemed to feel anymore, cold unaccepting darkness, he couldn't take it anymore, he scrambled through the drawers and grabbed for the folded object in the corner.

He fumbled flicking open the blade and driving it into his arm with deep long cuts. He watched as cold green liquid trickled down his arm and dripped down to the bathroom tiles making a small puddle with a sickening pit, pat, pit, pat.

***

Hearth grimaced at the joke Magnus made, unable to feel anything anymore, but forced a small smile. Alex walked in the room and planted a tiny kiss on Magnus' cheek. Hearth froze and his blood seemed to clot in every place in his body. He thought of the pills in his bedroom and his arm clenched instinctively, making the fresh wounds from the morning burst open. He winced but straightened his face again.

Magnus' face changed to a look of pure shock, 'Hearth- oh my worlds- y- your hand, no you didn't- you didn't do that to yourself. Hearth you didn't right..'. Hearth furiously looked away, raging at the tears forming once again in his eyes. He wiped them away and stood up, then walked out the room leaving chaos behind him.

***

Hearth stopped lying to people anymore, even Magnus. They asked him if he still wanted to die he nodded, Did he want to harm himself? Yes, He did it every morning and evening driving the knife deeper each time. He even went to a therapist for some time, on Magnus' behalf, but he gave that up along with everything else.

***

Blitzen burst into the room, Hearth without a thought reached for his runes, which weren't there. He looked furiously at Magnus who said 'Please Hearth let him talk to you, if not for you for all the times as the floor 19 crew.'. Hearth pulled a sour face and sat back down, to his dismay Magnus left the room leaving only them in the space.

'Hearth I'm really sorry, I just- I found someone who accepts me.'

Something I obviously thought I found in you.

'Hearth..'

Have you had a knife in your hand before?

'No.. GODS how did I not see the signs?! Hearth are you- are you hurting yourself?'

Not anymore than it already hurts. Blitzen I loved you. More than myself, you without knowing it cast the lifeboat into the sea which stopped me from drowning myself, and now. You just popped it.

'Hearth, no it's not worth dying for Hearth seriously I'm not worth killing yourself for-'

SHUT. UP. Gods what did I SEE in you, SO NEEDY. You can't even do the bare minimum and cook!

'Hearth that's why you shouldn't have to end it for me-'

Blitzen, WAKE the FUCK UP! I. AM. DONE. Done with falling in love and having that taken from me. Done with losing the only people who I CAN trust. And most of all? Done with never being good enough for this FUCKING world. So send me to hel in a teapot for wanting to die.

'Please see sense the world isn't all black and white.'

Oh yeah I forgot there's gray.

'Please, for me.'

Never. 

I stood up and walked to my bedroom kicking the door open, all my earlier fears gone and picked up the pill bottle.

'HEARTH, MAGNUS HE'S GOING TO DO IT SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE STOP HIM!'

I saw him in the hallway tears streaming down his cheeks like Niagara falls. A smile so wide  it nearly cracked my face it half broke out. I walked over to him and trailed one of my fingers where his tears fell and licked the moisture of my finger. Smiling uncontrollably I signed to him I had something for when I was gone and flicked the top of the pill container off before tilting my head back and swallowing them whole. They had immediate effect. Stopping my lungs and cutting off my oxygen. The last thing I saw was Blitzen hugging Magnus and Magnus staring at my crippled body in shock.

***

Dear Blitzen,

I wrote this whilst I still had time before I inevitably went insane. I love you so much that you ARE my stars. I never had experienced such love before I met you. I didn't know what to do with it, it became like a burden to me, I carried it everywhere, yet it would not stop growing. When we finally started dating I felt like I was soaring on one of those stars every day.

I have cursed myself for ever falling in love with someone like you ever since the day I found you in that room with.. That one. I never blamed you rather choosing to express my hatred on myself, you may now know that I have been, harming, myself but I have my reasons why.

When I drive the knife into myself  I feel little pain but it takes my mind off of you, which little else does. Please forgive me. But know this Blitzen. What you feel now isn't half of what I always felt and it multiplied when you left, because you always were and will be, my othala.

Yours until the end of time and space, 

Hearthstone

***

Blitzen sat next to Hearth's body rocking himself backward and forward sobbing and clutching the letter to his chest.

'Oh Hearth, you were the sky to my stars' he whispered.