Our Secrets

stories unfold (Harper's P.O.V)

I have always struggled to find where I fit in. As long as I can remember I have been an outcast. I look different, act different, and truth be told I just am different. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. it depends on the day, some days I find myself the smartest most talented person in the room, and others I am invisible. No one sees me and if they do I am ignored. But now I have a whole new chance to try and make a position for me here. I can be the girl I have always wanted to be. I can win valedictorian, be a great student, have friends, go out for any sport or committee I want because no one here knows the old me. I can reinvent myself. Do I want to though? I love myself, but am I worth missing out on things to stay true to myself or should I give a piece of myself away to achieve some of my dreams? These are the things I have been contemplating this first week at RHHS. I have met nice people, gotten to know teachers, and made a routine. Ride with Flynn, get out before anyone sees, go to class, meet him at the drop-off spot, and then repeat the next day. Of course that wasn't including anything I do outside of school. Although that has been very limited. I don't have a vehicle, and I can't borrow Flynn's because "That would be suspicious." At least when I asked him to let me stop by the store one afternoon, he did without even complaining. He wouldn't get out, or go in, but it was a plus nonetheless. This week the two of us have come to a mutual conclusion. Don't acknowledge each other at school, and everything else will work out. I don't think any of his friends know, and I am happy to keep it that way. They all seem like assholes. It is 4:00 A.M. I should be asleep. Generally, I don't wake up until 6:30. My brain just won't turn off though. I have laid here for the last hour and a half just thinking. At this point, I don't even remember what I was thinking about first. It doesn't matter anymore, I am just going to get up, take a shower, and get dressed. It may be early but it won't hurt for me to get a head start. I slide out of bed, and as my fuzzy socks hit the ground I feel how chilly it is in here. I rush to my closet to find an outfit but ultimately decide to just put sweats on until closer to school. I could wear them to school, but I probably won't. RHHS doesn't have a uniform, and we barely have a dress code. Some girls wear clothes that are slutty enough for them to be strippers. the only time I've seen anyone get in trouble is one girl who had her ass over halfway out of her denim mini skirt. I like the opportunities that this school is going to give me. Especially since I am only a junior I have so many options. As I walk into the bathroom I close the door and turn on my playlist. I turn the knob for the hot water. Take my clothes off, and climb into the tub. I normally only take showers but I am up early enough that I can soak for a minimum of thirty minutes, and I don't have to wash my hair. After closer to forty-five minutes I get out, dry off, put on my sweat pants and hoodie, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and then go lay down on my bed with a book. It is 5:00 now, and I don't have anything to do until at least 6:30. So I plan on laying here, and reading my current book until time to go. Well, that did not go as planned it's 6:00 and the book is finished. I might as well go ahead and get up to get dressed. As I slide back out of bed I put my book on the bookshelf, and walk to my closet to get my outfit. I have decided on a fitted tank top with a band logo, short denim shorts, and my checkered Vans. I pair that base layer with my silver initial necklace, earrings, silver tennis bracelets, and some silver rings. Last minute I decide to throw a simple short-sleeved button-up over it. As I'm waling out of the door I grab my bag, and head to the main house for breakfast. When I get there I'm the first at the table because I am so ahead this morning. As I sit waiting I start to hum a song that has been stuck in my head. "Is that Addicted?" I Automatically stop humming and turn to Flynn "Uhh Yeah sorry i didn't know anybody else was in here yet." *blushes* he automatically fires back "That's okay it was actually quite pretty." the only thing i know to say is "Thanks". As he sits down I turn back my original spot. there a few minutes of awkward silence before he breaks the ice and says " How is school so far?" before I even think I say "Why do you care? You won't even acknowledge me at school, and you drop me off almost half a mile from the school.  Why would you pretend to care now?" His mouth drops he starts blushing "I am sorry. I just don't want any of my friends to get the wrong idea I am a playboy and if they see me with you they will get the wrong idea and won't leave you alone it really is in you best interest." "Oh really, so you really don't have anything to do with it? None of it?" he lets the silence sit for a bit then he starts again "I wont say i don't have a part in it. I like you Harper you're super nice but I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea." I nod and we drop the conversation. I am slightly hurt, but why should i be? I should know better. I don't know why I thought he may want to ever be around me even as just friends. I'm not desirable to most people.