Conflicted

Chapter 11

 Mark 11: 25  And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

 James 5: 16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Matthew did not realize that her words had hurt him. He spent the next few days praying and occasionally crying over the situation. Why couldn't he move past his love for her?

Indeed, he was conflicted when he thought about the direction where they were heading. Deep down from within he was not ready to let go. His heart was way too invested in her. However, he realized he could not force a relationship with Savannah. She needed to want it as much as he did. 

He missed her. They had talked for the last few days and already he felt disconnected. As he sat to get some work done a text came across his phone. Savannah wanted to see him and he was more than thrilled to see her. 

"Are you ready to face Matthew?" Alisha asked examining the frame of mind Savannah was in. 

"Yes, I have to. I have been messed up for such a long time and I guess I never knew what it was like for someone to genuinely care about me," Savannah admitted. 

"I am so proud of you," Alisha said giving her a big hug. 

"I feel awful and I may have hurt him and that is killing me inside," Savannah admitted getting teary-eyed. 

Alisha extended her hands towards her friend. "You are making the right moves now so give yourself some credit for doing the right thing," she reassured her.

"Thank you for always being my friend and sticking close to me until I got myself together," Savannah said getting up to leave. 

"Well, I can't have my maid of honor not ready to walk me down the aisle and herself one day unless her baggage is all cleared up," Alisha stated.

"I can't wait for your wedding. But I don't know if marriage is in my future," Savannah admitted.

"Savannah O'Brian stop playing naive. Trust me it's gonna happen for you. The question is are you ready for it," Alisha pointed out. 

Savannah thought about it and wondered with her many issues and things to clean up would she be able to be anyone's wife. 

"Do you Love him?" Alisha asked trying to tap into her friend's thoughts. 

Savannah walked around the room pondering Alisha's question. She was just coming to terms with her feelings for him and this was all so new to her. It was the first time she would admit it out loud. 

Savannah closed her eyes and surprised Alisha with her confession. "Very much. I love him and it's scary to feel this way because I have never felt it before and don't want to get my hopes up."

Alisha cried. "I am happy that you are acknowledging your feelings. It is healthy because you have bolted so much inside for years."

"I know. I have a lot of inventory to do with my life but I am ready to make the move," Savannah said finally stepping into her peace and owning it. 

Savannah hoped Matthew would forgive her and still want her despite everything that had happened. 

As she walked out the door Alisha said a breath prayer for her friend. She genuinely wanted everything to work out for Savannah because she deserved happiness.