"Babe?" Max turned her head towards her girlfriend, lying next to her, the morning light filtering through the window illuminating them softly. Max wore an oversized t-shirt, while her partner had no clothes on, only covered by their red blanket.
"Yes, Alex?" whispered the still sleepy redhead. "Who... who is El?" Max felt a shiver run down her spine at this question, her body tensing up. She turned towards the ceiling, staring as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "I don't know... why?" she said, hoping that the blonde in her bed wouldn't ask more questions.
"Well, you talk in your sleep, and last night you had what seemed like a fit or something, and you kept shouting 'El come back, don't leave me,'" the girl said, making air quotes with her fingers to mimic the freckled girl's words.
"So there. I just want to know who this El is haunting your dreams." Max hid her face in her hands, unsure of how to respond. Her throat tightened at the mere thought of speaking, so she remained silent, hands on her face as if that position could help her avoid the impending conversation.
The redhead felt her girlfriend's body shift on the mattress. She peeked through her fingers and saw her sitting up, running her hand through her long blonde hair. "You know, Max, if you're cheating on me with this El, tell me right away. I don't want to look like a fool."
"What? No!" Max sat up, finding herself in the same position as her lover. "Of course not, I'm not cheating on you. I would never do that," she said, running her hand down Alex's back.
"Okay... then tell me who she is." Max sighed and closed her eyes.
Did this conversation really have to happen? She didn't want to talk about El with Alex. She couldn't even bring herself to talk about it to herself. "Can we talk about this later? It's Sunday, and I don't want to stress today," the blonde pushed Max's hand that remained on her back. The redhead frowned but said nothing and lay back down. She waited for Alex to do the same, but Alex stayed in the same position, saying nothing. "Are you going to sit like that for much longer, or are you planning on going back to bed?" Max's voice was muffled by the pillow her head was almost buried in.
"No, Max, I'm not going to go back to bed until you tell me who this girl is." Alex's voice rose a notch, making Max growl. "Why are you making a scene now? We can talk about this another da..." "No, we won't talk about it another day, because that other day never comes with you, Max! We'll talk about my parents another day, we'll talk about my old friends another day, we'll talk about my life before I knew you another day! It never happens, Max!" Alex turned fully towards the redhead, who struggled to hold back the tears that were starting to fall.
Why was this conversation happening now? She had done everything to avoid talking to anyone about her past, Hawkins, Vecna, and the people she had left behind her. Why did she have to talk about something she wanted to forget more than anything?
"Leave me alone. If I don't want to talk about it, there's a reason," she said in a weak voice, holding back her sobs. "You can be such a damn child sometimes, it's unbelievable! I've told you everything about me, all my experiences, all my traumas, and you give me nothing in return. You tell me nothing, it's as if you haven't lived anything bef..." "Shut up!" Max cried out, sitting up abruptly, her face wet with tears. Alex looked surprised but said nothing.
"You have no idea how much I've been through before you, Alex! I've experienced the worst things, a whole life before you, and all I want now is to forget it! Because that's what I've been trying to do for the past 5 years, and I was finally starting to succeed, but no, madam had to ruin everything by asking me stupid questions about El!" The light atmosphere from just a few minutes ago had turned heavy. The two girls locked eyes, one filled with a monumental rage that Alex had never seen before.
"You really want to know who El is, huh?! Then I'll tell you." "No, Max, you don't have to." "Oh, but I will," the redhead said, pointing her trembling finger at her girlfriend. "El was the love of my life, my first love. I had never felt such intense emotions for someone before, and at first, I even thought I had a mental problem for feeling so many feelings just by holding hands with her. But no, I was just damn in love, sickeningly in love with her."
Max paused for a moment, her eyes fixed on Alex, yet they seemed glazed over, seeing El. Her brown curls framing her head, her smile revealing her beautiful teeth. The scent of vanilla perfume that the two girls had bought the first time they went to Starcourt.
"I've experienced so much with her," tears flowed freely over the freckles on the girl's face, staining the red blanket she was sitting on. The redhead continued in a trembling voice, "And honestly, if fate hadn't thrown damn near impossible obstacles in our path, maybe I'd still be in her room, admiring her as she told me about the book she had read with her father. Maybe in another universe where all these stupid things didn't exist, I would still be with her. But no, in this universe, I had to leave her there, and walk away because I'm just a damn coward who can't face everything that scares her."
The redhead stopped, watching El's smiling face fade away, replaced by Alex's, her lips trembling and her eyes sparkling with tears hidden within. Max looked away, feeling terrible for revealing all this because she knew, she knew she would never love Alex as much as she had loved El; she would never love her current girlfriend as much as she loved her first love, the one she could never forget, despite all her efforts.
"You know, every time I wake up, I can't help but think that I'm waking up in another reality where she would be lying next to me... instead of you." Max didn't dare to meet Alex's eyes, too ashamed of admitting this to her partner. She heard a few sobs before feeling the girl get up from the bed and walk through the apartment, slamming the door. The redhead exhaled all the air she had been holding since her confession and lay back on the bed, raising her hands above her head. "Why am I so horrible like this," she whispered, closing her eyes, seeing El's face reappear. "Why can't you get out of my head, El..."
