Celebrity Couple | Jakehoon S2 - WOKE

2. Fendi

<The new Fendi>

The war on drug trafficking just got s3xy, and deadlier. The cute little pretty skittle pill that doesn't clash with your outfit and doesn't require a nurse license to take.  It delivers all the things you want for your party, hallucinations, visual disturbances, drowsiness, nausea, confusion, constipation, vomiting and diarrhea.  And murder. The culprit? Fentanyl.

Yes, but who are the accomplices? The stalker who wanted to nail you tonight, your so-called friends, your jealous ex, your horny lover, the unsuspecting bystander, the teen distributor wanting a fast buck for new jordan sneakers, the predators streaming in the next rooms, the football team engaging in gang rape, the junkies, the prom queen wannabe, the future supreme court justice, the popular kids, the profiteer, deadly liasons, the nerd trying to fit in, your best friend because she envies you, absentee/negligent parents, societal prioritization, government budgeting gridlock, karen....

SH: Did you hear about the kpop idol who OD on Fendi? JK: You mean fentanyl? 

SH: Fen.. di.. ah? JK: No, fen.ta. nal. 

SH: Is that some kind of newer, more expensive Fendi? 

JK: No, man, it's an illegal drug substance in pill form that's killing the gen Zs.  So it's easy to circulate in disguise as a happy pill. It's more addictive than shopping for girls and s3x for guys.

SH: WTF. That's some powerful sh*t.  JK: It'll bankrupt you, unless it kills you first.

JK: Good thing I can't swallow? SH: Is that really a good thing? JK: STFU.

JK: So who's the idol who OD on fentanyl?

SH: No, ikeu, she OD on Fendi bags costing over 100k USD and got grounded by her agency because she couldn't pay for food and living expenses.

JK: What is she going to do? I hope she doesn't resort to selling her body.

SH: Isn't she a kpop idol? JK: Wait, we were kpop idols.

SH: No, under the table, like streaming in paid-per-view private invitational-only channels.

JK: How do you know this stuff?

SH: Who would know? JK: God? The Universe? SH: They don't count. JK: WTF.

SH: Or go old school at strip clubs.  JK: You didn't just shame Lisa for performing at crazy horse did you?

SH: Not everything is about BP when it comes to gg.  And they disbanded years ago.

JK: Seems like yesterday.

<Exchange rate>

SH: So is fentanyl the new Fendi? JK: What do you mean?

SH: Well, girls would rather starve than not buy the latest most expensive Fendi bag this season.

JK: You mean it's addictive, expensive and it can kill you if you OD on it, which is easy to do, because it's not regulated, you don't know what you are getting, not like marijuana prescriptions issued by licensed doctors?

SH: You mean like amsterdam red light district where prostitution is legalized and regulated by the government to fund the military.

JK: How do you know this?

SH: It was a layover during my modeling gigs. Now they're mainly AIs. Real ones are more expensive, but not as good. 

JK: How do you know this?  SH: People talk, I'm a good listener.  

JK: How good?  SH: The AI remembers everything you like and can gauge your interest based on your biometrics, heart rate, temperature, blood pressure, spo2, calories burned, mood, menstrual cycle, senses, hormonal imbalance, like a smart ring and tapped into your psychosis and dream state. They're medical grade, and flexible to accommodate any size.

JK: You mean these AIs have FDA approval? It's like going in for a medical checkup with your pen1s.

JK: Wait. I thought healthcare was free in amsterdam? Aren't they violating HIPAA?

SH: What's that? JK: Privacy rules to protect your health information. SH: Not like we had any privacy as kpop idols.

SH: So if girls get smart ring to monitor their menstrual to try to get a baby, so do the guys load the app to avoid wearing a condom? JK: Didn't they make a cock ring with AI for guys? 

SH: Why are you asking me? JK: Didn't you say you were a master bater? SH: <shamelessly nods>

SH: Nowadays, seems like girls will only accept a Fendi for s3x, so it's the new s3x currency.

JK: Unlike those republicans who used venmo where it can be traced to cash for s3x.

JK: So what's the current rate? SH: 700 to 50k+ US $? JK: For a bj?

JK: I'd rather rely on my own hands, thank you. SH: Need a hand or two? JK: STFU.

SH: So if a girl has a bunch of Fendi, does that make her a h*?

JK: You know most rich people don't buy luxury items, they invest. It's the poor ones trying to brag and faking it. SH: You're giving the poor a bad name. You meant those broke a* materialistic b* (not gender specific).

JK: Then why do we have luxury items? SH: We're not stupid, they were free and we were getting paid.

SH: But, if a male idol has a stash of Fendi, does that make him a predator? JK: Only if the recipient is underage, otherwise the recipient is just a materialistic B*.

JK: Why would they have to pay? SH: If they want to get it on with another idol of similar caliber? That way, both are sworn to secrecy and have something to lose if the word got out that they had s3x.

JK: Seems antiquated that people can't have s3x if it's mutual with no monetary value exchanged.

SH: Unless it's not mutual, because the other party is addicted to Fendi? JK: Or fentanyl?

Bonus -

SH: Did you just take down Fendi?

JK: Collateral damage, the target was fentanyl. It's going down by association. (And the materialistic b*)

SH: (Don't we have Fendi?) JK: (No. We have Prada. Unless you're cheating on me with Fendi?).

SH: Don't you think we need a don't sue us disclosure?

JK: From the dead child's parents? 

SH: No, Fendi. JK: It's not them per se, but materialism. 

SH: You mean, we're taking down the psycho-materialistic b* (not gender specific) on crack.

JK: Let's just say, we're petaling a reality check and an opportunity for growth. 

SH: F* that. I prefer what I said. Team Hoonie.

PSA: Fentanyl is so addictive, pimps, predators, and some kpop agencies use it to keep their girls in line selling s3x for cash. Always ready to sell their bodies for a pop, now in pina colada.

Warning: Big pharma (and kpop) wants your body.