WE STILL EXIST

Chapter Thirty-One- We Still Exist

NOAH BLAKE

Time seems to be slowing down with each passing person as they come through the meeting hall. My mother wipes the tears from her eyes with a tissue, my brother lounges himself in the back corner on a couch, and I sit facing out of a window with Maddie by my side.

The large room is stuffed with every person who has decided that they needed to be here, they wanted to be in our business. I understand they are paying their respects to the man who spent his entire life bringing us shelter and prosperous ideas to survive, but they didn't care, they never did.

It was an early morning when I came out of my room to see the breathless body lying in the made-up hospital bed in the front room. My mother had turned around when she heard me walking into the room and rushed over to me.

Her hands gripped my shoulders and pushed me back into my room. Her words were echoed out and I couldn't grasp that she was speaking to me. There was no noise as I looked over my dead father across from me.

I tried to argue with her by moving past my mother, but I large hand came to stop me. My boyfriend stood in front of me with his arms wrapping around my shoulders, his hands pushed my to him and my face was covered by his chest. He blocked my line of sight to see my father dead.

Looking away from the window, I watch the people gathered to talk in hushed tones when Mr.James pops into the room. He makes his way to my mother and they discuss something relating to my father's death.

The gatherers began to head out while some lingered in the area. Zach looks around and spots me. His feet move towards me and I look away from him, I don't want to talk to anyone or be near anyone. He had more time, he should have had more time.

"Noah?" Zach sits opposite me on the chair away from the window.

I ignore him and his sad stare. The sobs want to escape me, but I hold them back. It has been two days since he died and the pain is too real for me. My lungs are filled with air and I try to hold back the tears as one escapes. I can't let any more fall.

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" Maddie asks me from my left side.

I shake my head no, that's progress. Before I couldn't do anything at all but stare out of the window. My hands play with the hem of my shirt and I look down to see the tan skin resting on my kneecaps.

"Noah, I think it would be good for you to go outside for a little bit." His hands grab mine to stop me from fiddling around too much. "You've been cooped up and haven't eaten anything either."

I pull my hands away from him and take my eyes to the scene outside again. Zach begins to cry and tries to cover the tears with his hands. He stood up and walked away before I could tell him to stop crying.

"I didn't want to do this, but it must be done." He stands straight up with his legs in my face and takes hold of my waist before hauling me over his shoulder. "You are going outside."

"No! Let me down!" I hit my fists hard on his back and tried to wiggle myself out of his death grip. "Please, I want to be left alone."

Tears leave my eyes as I blindly watch the other grieving members of our sector watch me get thrown out of the building by the future leader. My mother shakes her head and pulls Zach into her arms as we leave through the door.

I cry over his shoulder and take everything from my mind to place all over the floor of this earth. My head pounds with an ache and the blurred vision makes me anxious with sadness in the background.

"You need to get away from that, all of that guilt and sadness will eat you up, baby." Coden finally places me on the ground and I try to go around him, but he keeps me standing in front of him. "Baby, this is hard for you, this is hard for everyone here. Your father was a good man and he was loved by so many people."

Crying even harder, I start to choke up. My breaths become uneven and I feel the racking of my body when I am pulled into a warm chest once again.

Memories fill my head as I take in a deep breath, my father's closed eyes, the hands guiding me out of the house, and the members of the board coming to collect my father's body. My heart hurts, it feels like it is being ripped out of me entirely and thrown to the ground with hatred.

"He died, Coden!" My knees bring me to the hard ground against his hands holding me up. "My dad... My dad didn't get to see it!" I look up from under him and see the mountain leading to the most valuable piece of work that I have accomplished.

Nothing prepares me for this moment, the heart-wrenching pain washes over me. The stabbing knife twisting inside of me, I feel the knife slice down from my heart to my core. My father never got to live long enough to see the reservoir complete.

All of his hard work was for nothing. The pain, long nights, and hours spent making this possible for all of us were never even worth it if he didn't get to see it.

"Noah, look at me." He squats in front of me and I push him away.

I cry harder than before, nothing stops the tears from falling. My back aches, my heart aches, and my mind races with endless ways that the world has crushed me.

"He saw it, Noah." My boyfriend grips me hard and pulls me into his lap. I can't move, everything pains me. "Baby girl, look at me."

"He wouldn't leave without seeing it, I wouldn't let that happen." He runs his hands through my nappy hair and whispers calming words into my ears. I feel the heat protecting me from the outside world. "I promise you, he saw it."

"Although he has passed on, he wanted to be here." Coden calms me down, "he was set on leaving this world with me and you together."

Coden kisses the top of my head, "His happiness was always here, there was no pain when he died." I feel the tears drying up. "His love filled up the world to the brim and it gave him the time he needed to make it possible for him to see the creation you made."

We exist in time. My father, my mother, my brother, and I all existed in this time to create a family. Coden was there next to us this whole time, my father saw it fit. "Your father was pleased, he was in absolute awe when he saw it."

"He was more than happy to be able to experience it, babe." My eyes lift to see him staring at me, "it was just beyond his reach and we got him there." For eternity and more, my father will be here with us. Coden drops his arms but still holds me firmly against him in the dirt. People have left the hall by now and my mother and brother are left behind. "We can't stop death, Noah."

His words impact me with clarity, "But we still exist in this time we have with one another."

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