After The War (And During, and Before)

Let The Light Back In

In the six years since Ahsoka and Barriss had last seen each other, not a day went by where Ahsoka didn't think of her.
There was a hole inside her heart that knowing Barriss and then losing her had left, and it was like a persistent gaping wound that refused to heal no matter how she treated it.
After leaving the Order, Ahsoka had tried to search for Barriss while building her rebellion in the Outer Rim, but it had proved fruitless. Barriss had seemingly vanished without a trace, and thinking about what might have happened to her often left Ahsoka unable to sleep at night, and when she did sleep, half the time her dreams were filled with Barriss begging her for help or to come and find her.
Ahsoka never told anyone of this. She knew no one would understand the connection she still felt to Barriss after she'd betrayed her, but that didn't stop her from wishing she could talk to someone about her feelings.
By the time the strange signal came through from a distant, unexplored planet on the very farthest reaches of the Outer Rim, Ahsoka had almost completely lost hope in ever seeing Barriss again.
Almost.
"Ahsoka?"
Ahsoka turned her gaze away from the stars at Padmé's soft voice behind her.
Dammit. She'd caught her out here being all wistful and forlorn. Ahsoka had been hoping no one would ever see her like this.
Then again, out of anyone, Padmé would probably be the most understanding...
"Padmé." Ahsoka murmured softly, dipping her head and not really trying to stop the turmoil in her heart from slipping into her voice.
"Is everything alright?" Padmé asked, concern glittering in her brown eyes.
Ahsoka dropped her gaze.
"No." She admitted quietly.
"What's the matter?"
"It's that signal we picked up a few days ago. I can't stop thinking about it."
Ahsoka glanced up to catch Padmé's sympathetic smile - she knew what she was thinking; oh, sweet Ahsoka, so caring for others, even complete strangers from the other side of the galaxy who she's never even met.
But that wasn't it this time.
"I think the signal is from Barriss." Ahsoka said shakily, swallowing hard.
Padmé's smile vanished, replaced with a look of shock.
"How can you be sure?" She pressed gently.
Not "it doesn't matter if it's her", not "why would you care if it was?", not even "have you really thought about her every day since she betrayed you?"
"Whoever it is used the special code Barriss and I came up with when we were younger," Ahsoka rasped, feeling her throat closing, "in case we ever needed to talk to each other and couldn't use a standard code. She and I are the only ones who know it. It has to be her."
Padmé was silent, clearly encouraged her to go on.
Ahsoka turned her gaze back to the stars as the edges of her vision started to blur with tears.
"I know Barriss did something unforgivable," she said shakily, "and I know she hurt a lot of people, including me, but I can't help but think there was always still good in her, even when she turned on me, and maybe I'm stupid for thinking that but I can't help it, and-"
"You want to try and find her." Padmé cut her off, somehow knowing exactly what she was thinking, and lightly placing her hands on Ahsoka's shoulders as she turned around to face her.
Ahsoka hung her head, nodding, and finally let the tears fall.
"I can't just leave her out there," she choked out, "what if she needs me? She wouldn't have sent that signal unless she wanted me to come and find her."
Padmé gave another sympathetic smile, but this one was full of more understanding towards how Ahsoka really felt.
"But..." Ahsoka went on slowly, "I-I know Anakin and Obi-Wan will never agree to help me. I don't think Lionel would either."
"You don't know that for sure," Padmé protested gently, "they love you, Ahsoka. If they see it's important to you, they'll always help. And so will I. You don't have to do this alone. You've been on your own too much in your life as it is."
Ahsoka didn't say anything, but her shoulders drooped, shaking slightly with silent sobs.
"Tomorrow morning I'll help you talk to them," Padmé assured her, "and if they refuse to help - which I'm sure they won't - then you and I can search for Barriss together. Okay?"
Ahsoka rubbed her eyes with the back of her wrist and sniffed.
"Okay," she croaked, "thank you, Padmé."