a/n: this chapter might be a little rough... tw: it's kind of self destructive. but!! it's ok. it has a happy ending!! if you aren't comfy with that kinda stuff, then skip it!! i won't be mad
"i had a bad feeling."
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y/n's pov:
i can't breathe. like i actually cannot breathe. i feel like i'm drowning in so much air and breathing none of it. walker hangs up. he basically threw the phone. it doesn't matter. it's too late. i can't breathe, everything comes rushing back at me. i dig crescent moons into my palms. red blooms and trickles down my fingertips. it's all i can see. red. i'm not mad. i can't breathe. a cool hand on my face. breathe, walker tells me. breathe. but i can't. i push his arms away, i stumble into the house, into the bathroom. i lock the door. my knees buckle and i hit the floor. my cheek on the tile. it's cool. ice. it melts away the fever that is my ex. i can't say his name. i won't say it. he doesn't get to have that. there's a pounding on the door. it feels like knives in my skull cavity, turning my brain into a minced up pile of mush. walker is yelling, but i can't hear him. i'm underwater. maybe that's why i can't breathe. it's quiet underwater. i like it here. i sink into the floor. down, down, down. no one can reach me now. maybe i'll stay.
third period. english. i can't stay awake. i wore long sleeves today. i don't want anyone asking questions about the purple flowers that jack left on my arms. they're pretty, but no one else would think that. they hurt, but there is no beauty in painless things. it's really hot in the classroom. the air conditioner broke last week and the heat is making me dizzy. i roll up my sleeves. after a while i see that people are looking. at me. at my arms. at the bouquet of hyacinths and roses and dahlia's that are blooming across my forearms.
aren't they so pretty?
aren't they?
the door flies open and walker stands in the frame, cheeks flushed, panting. the tears in my eyes make it hard to see. they carve rivers of melancholy from my eyes to my neck, flowing with weeks, months, years, of sadness.
why am i so sad?
walker scoops me up. i feel limp. i want to fight, i want to cry out, but i can't my mouth won't open, my eyes burn. everything burns. every reminder of him burns. he cut me so deep that only i can see the scars.
walker. walker carries me into not my room. not my room, but his. this isn't how i planned this? is it?
he tucks me into the cool sheets, fabric bunches around my limbs. if i'm drowning, don't save me. i'm so tired.
don't save me.
don't.
save me.
walker's pov:
she's out almost as soon as her body hits the sheets. leah rushes into the room with a first aid cut, so i can clean y/n's hands, and wrap them. i want to kill whoever did this to her. i want to hurt them like they hurt her. i need to hurt them. i am so mad i can only see the red of the blood in the lines of her hands. the red around her eyes and nose and lips. she and i? we are one and the same. red. i tuck her hair behind her ears and flip the lights off, exiting the room as quietly as i can. i walk out to the living room and slump onto the couch besides xochitl.
"who was that?" brady asks, "on the phone?"
"presumably, her ex," momona tells him, "i haven't known y/n for more than like two days, but i would throw hands for her."
leah fidgets with her hair and her fingers, "what could he possibly have done to her to make her react like that? like it can't be anything good."
i nod.
xochitl chews on her bottom lip and eyes dior, "his contact said jack, right? we have to start somewhere."
"start somewhere to do what?" tanner questions.
"i don't know, but i really don't like him and i don't like that he's hurting our y/n," dior says.
i run my fingers through my already messed up curls, "i feel really guilty. i called him, this is my fault."
"no, walker. this is not your fault! how could you have known that you were going to end up with some psycho ex on the line? you couldn't," aryan reassures me.
"yeah, i guess, but still-,"
"if it's anyone's fault it's mine," tanner starts to cry, "i gave you the dare."
"no, tanner, this is no ones fault. it's not walkers, it's not yours, and it is most definitely not y/n's," leena smoothes his hair down.
charlie sighs, "it's late, we should get some sleep and deal with this in the morning."
we all head up to our respective rooms. when i get to mine, y/n is awake. she stares at me with bloodshot eyes.
"hey."
"oh my gosh, are you okay? i was so worried!"
she sighs.
"i'm ok, walker. well, i'm not ok, but i will be."
i sit down on the edge of my, now her bed.
she grabs my hand and squeezes, "you don't need to worry about me, walk."
"it's a little too late for that princess, don't you think?"
she gives me a sad smile. i brush a tear that trails down her cheek.
"hey, hey, don't cry, i'm here, i've got you."
i pull her into my arms and she tucks her head into the crook of my neck. i lean us both back, until we're staring at the glow in the dark stars that leena and i stuck onto the ceiling when i was nine and she was almost twelve. i point out the constellations that we made up.
"look, theres the little bowl."
she lets out a soft laugh, "the little bowl? you made that up."
i trace circles on her back.
"maybe, maybe not."
but she's asleep.
i get up to go sleep somewhere else, the couch or something, but her hand tightens around mine.
"please stay?" she whispers.
i turn around and her eyes are closed, her breathing soft. i give in, slide under the covers and pull her into my chest. she's warm. we fall asleep tangled in each others arms. heartbeats in sync.
✰✰✰
seeeee!! happy ending!! somewhat at least.
two chapters in one day (kind of) i must love you guys a lot.
thanks for joining me on this emotional rollercoaster of a chapter!! i'll be back with more tomorrow (i think)
