If Only

A Pencil

"I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."

--Anne Frank

A pencil is my escape.

You may think this is odd.

But those who don't speak have even more to say.

I have been writing since I was a kid. My mother introduced me to Edgar Allen Poe when I was 10. This made me become a bookworm.

I couldn't really make friends. Probably because I couldn't even speak. A lot of kids judged me I know they did.

Books are different. They don't expect me to speak. They speak to me. And even though we literally judge books by their covers the book cannot do that to us.

I still think about the days my mother would read poetry with me on the front porch of our home.

I miss it immensely. I miss her. I miss being free.

...............................................................................

(Present time)

I wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats. I feel an arm draped over my body.

It is Eva

My body shivers as I try to scoot away from her touch.

I think that woke her up because she said "Stop moving my love". As she pulled me back in by the waist.

I pulled away from her and kicked her in the thigh.

That definitely woke her up.

She yelled as she grabbed me by the jaw and sneered "You fucking bitch, I'm gonna lock you up in the cell if you don't calm the fuck down". As I whimpered in pain from my leg as I remembered it is still broken.

With that she let go and laid down wrapping her arm around my waist

I felt a tear slide down my cheek

and the another and another

I continued to cry and rock myself to fall asleep.

...................................................................................

When I woke up the girls were gone. I sat up wanting too use the bathroom. But there was one there to assist me.

So I tried just hopping on one foot to the bathroom.

As im hopping my foot slips and I fall onto the bathroom tile.

I lift my face to see blood on the floor.

Then I feel a warm trickling sensation on my face.

I touch it just to find out that it blood. I had hit my head on a corner.

Suddenly the door opened showing the three girls in all their glory.

Eva rushed towards me while Jade and Amber just stood there staring at me.

"fucking shit" muttered Jade

Eva came closer and reached out for me. But I flinched back. And the other girls saw it. They all had a pang of hurt in their eyes.

"Baby i'm just trying to help you" Said Eva with a soft speaking voice.

I quickly shook my head and backed myself into the corner of the bathroom.

I felt tears well up in my eyes.

Flash back

"Shhhh don't worry I just want to touch you".