Full Machine | Gracie Abrams (On Break)

02 feel better

I wearily lay handcuffed to the stiff hospital bed in a brightly lit room. The room smelt like cleaning alcohol and sickness as I moped there with sunken eyes. It was the middle of the night around 11pm, and I'd been waiting there for hours just trying to find little pictures in the paint strokes that covered the roof above me, tears were staining my cheeks.

"Fuck I can't do this anymore!" I screamed not breaking eye contact with the ceiling. Was i finally going insane? I wasn't myself. I was violent kicking and screaming, tired of this day with a heavy aching heart. "Get! Me! Out!" I screamed with sweat now soaking my collar line of my shirt. I was panting and shaking, but it wasn't me it was a monster, a monster, Michael himself had created.

A nurse raced over, swiftly stabbing me in the arm with a needle to which I screamed bloody murder to contact with the sharp point. the needle calmed me almost instantly. My brain went foggy as a group of teenagers. About my age passed, they were dragging a blonde girl through the walking across beds. a girl like me, young, dumb, pretty, and driven to be a monster. She was kicking and screaming while her friends? were begging her to stop. who cared. There was a tall blonde boy and another man a little older than the other two. We made eye contact as I passed out. I felt sorry for her, but who am i to speak.

After I was up once again, still laying on my side with my hand out, still cuffed to the bed. Workers placed me in a wheel chair talking to my mum. I started to listen to what they were saying to see if I could go home. I just wanted to go home. "I'm so sorry, Mrs abrams, but we've evaluated that it would be best if she stayed in the psychiatric ward for a while." The doctor spoke, causing my mother to break down and start sobbing, it fucking hurt to see her like this, a mess and its my fault. But I can't go to the pych ward. I'm sane. I'm not fucking crazy, right?

I was now uncuffed from the chair i sat in they thought I was still relaxed from the drugs they gave me. I made a run for it, leaping from the chair i quickly raced down the hall behind me. I soon realised I had no idea where the exit was. I kept running until I got to an exit. I tried booking it out the door, but my shirt got latched onto by a guard, which sent me flying onto the floor behind me. He pinned me onto the ground for the second time this dreaded day . "I got the pycho girl!" He yelled to his mates. Everybody thinks I'm crazy i think im kinda crazy too. I got dragged to the pych ward, his arms tucked into my armpits as i lay limp on the unknown guards arms looking up to him. I then looked to my mother, who was signing a form for me. "I'm sorry, mum. I love you. I promise nothing happened how I wanted," I said, my dark brown eyes with terrible bags flickering to her.

I was pale skin and bones with dark circles around my limpid eyes.  Usually, I wanted to get as far as I could from my house, which was haunted by the ghosts of my past, that's why I studied day and night to get away from Connecticut, but right now all I wanted was to return to the memory flooded house I was topped with nostalgia and bitter-sweet moments frozen in the bubble of my room. If you opened the door, they'd flood to you, too. It didn't take much looking to see my life encapsulated in a bottle. All my achievements were shown all my memories with friends displayed in a strip of poleroids across my wall. The shelves filled with my prized vinals. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the terrible was all on show like a tour through my mind. How I wish I could go back. Oh, look at me now homesick laying limp in the arms of a man I've never met.

-

I'm in room 405 sitting on what will be my bed for the next... However long I'm staying in here. The doctor said I'd have a roommate by tomorrow, but for now, I need rest. And as much as I hate to admit, as soon as I'd gotten to the bed, I felt drowsy. On could only describe it like a strong force pushing me to sleep the voices urging me to get some rest put them to rest. Bit, I can't. I can't when my stomach screams at me to feed it. God, what have i done.

Right now, I don't know much. All I know is I'll never be the same after this. Whether it's for better or for worse is your choice. But I'm sorry, I really am, but I can breathe clearly tonight. The crying really helped clear my sinuses. All jokes aside, I felt raw stripped down to what i know and what i felt. All my secrets were told, i had lost my home. All i know is what i felt like the chemical smell to this hospital that stung my nose or how none of the fabrics here were soft here they all had a straw like texture. Eventually, I fell asleep, just hoping it'd get better in the morning.

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933 words