My one and only, Belove(d)

Chapter 4. ★

IMPORTANT TW('S): F Slur, Slight Mentions of  wanting to unaliving one's self, Slight mentions of discriminatory violence, etc.

Authors Note: Alright I know its been a hot moment but I've been busy and such. But I hope this draft is okay. Friendly Reminder; this is NOT the final version. I will post the final version elsewhere. Okay Thanks. Have a nice read.

It was the day of the presentation and Tamaki was already losing his mind about it. The Belove was kicking his feet under his desk as he slowly watched people from the seat in front of him present. So far everything was running smoothly and fine but Tamaki was trying to hold himself together. He dreaded this day for it to come but he had to suck up his fear and then just get the presentation over with. As the people who already presented, it slowly got to Tamaki's turn and he already felt his heart racing as it felt like he'd vomit out the organ. He tried to keep calm with multiple deep breaths and fidgeted with his pen. Tamaki knew his presentation was going to be easy, but it wasn't easy for him since his social anxiety was bouncing off the walls similarly like one of those bouncing balls, he and Takami always begged his parents for. It wasn't easy for Tamaki to contain his emotions since he was already ready to raise his hand and asked to be excused to go to the nurse and go home early. His hands were on his black pants, as he gripped onto it on and off. His breathing was heavy and Tamaki felt all eyes go onto him which was probably his brain trying to make him feel uncomfortable. Tamaki's thoughts were all over the place like messy papers on the table. He was thinking about what if someone makes fun of him, or what if makes fun of his accent, if someone were to point out something ugly or disgusting about The Belove. Tamaki's heart raced and raced as it slowly but surely was going to eventually explode into teeny tiny bits and pieces like there was a bomb attached to it which eventually all the class would ever last see of him, was tiny pieces of the guts of his heart, liver, skin, etc as his bright red blood would cover the walls and the students, while his the red fluid dropped down to the floor to his toes.
"Belove, Tamaki." Tamaki's eyes shot up as he heard his name being called. The dreaded moment was finally here and The Belove had to suck up his anxiety and get his presentation fear over with.
"Are you ready for your presentation?" His teacher questioned as The Belove quickly nodded. He already felt all the eyes fall onto him as he got up from his seat. All the eyes were drilling to the back of his mind as Tamaki went up to the front of the class. The dread in his mind started to creep up behind his body causing his hands to jitter around and hopefully the next thing Tamaki knows that he'd pass out. The only thing Tamaki didn't have to worry about is that he didn't have to present his slideshow, and all he had to present was a small paragraph about his presentation.
"Whenever you're ready, Mr. Belove." His teacher gave him a soft smile of approval and Tamaki heavily sighed and pulled out his index cards.
"Okay, so.. My presentation is about my Mother's culture, which is Chinese Culture. I did a side one for my Russian one but Today I'm going to give a presentation about Chinese Culture." Tamaki started off his presentation. His voice was softer than normal which caused him to cut in and out from speaking. Every few words, He had to take a deep breath in and let it out quietly. It felt like there was a knot in his throat each time he swallowed down his anxiety. The feeling of it being like someone either holding him in a chokehold or someone tying a rope onto his throat and trying to execute him out to death. Tamaki's eyes started to water while his heart was rapidly pounding. It sounded like his heart was pulsing louder than his actual voice since Tamaki wasn't a loud talker himself. As Tamaki went on with talking, he already saw the drip of tears on his index cards and heard some snickers in the background. The only thing that Tamaki was ever glad about is that his voice never changes pitches as well as tones when he's crying. The only thing in his vocal line was him overspeaking and having his voice shake. Tamaki doubted that someone would care about how'd he felt during this presentation.. but there was one specific person who noticed and was worried. That person was The Belove's table partner, 'Ha-Jun Lee'. It was like he knew exactly how Tamaki's body language wasn't like it normally would be. He looked around him, noticing how about ⅓ of the class was gossiping and snickering, while the rest of the class just wanted Tamaki to be seated so he could just relax. Ha-Jun tried his hardest to not make strong eye contact with The Belove since he realized he was already having trouble with the current presentation. His seat partner knew it was hard for the anxious boy to deal with the amount of pressure from the audience in the boy's English class.
"God, I have 6 more classes left until I can finally go home." Tamaki went through his thoughts trying to keep himself calm and at least sane for the rest of the presentation. Luckily for him, he was ¾ through of his words and all he has to do is summarize the entire presentation. The Belove's paranoia started to eat up his body like it was a huge flood taking over a city. Tamaki knew if he didn't finish this presentation strongly he would've considered himself a failure to his parent's and his future career he wanted to do. It was such a shame to see his photography dream slowly disappear into obscurity and never come back. All the youngest Belove wanted to do was to be like his father.. who was his main inspiration and his will to live.
"And— That.. is all.." Tamaki finally managed to finish off, but not in a strong way like he wanted to. The Classroom went into a slight applause as the teacher started first, then Ha-Jun, and so on. As the class slightly applauded, Tamaki noticed how Ha-Jun's applause was different from the rest. It was more supportive and not awkward. It made The Belove feel slightly warm but he was still deeply uncomfortably freezing cold. It felt like a winter storm hit so suddenly and Tamaki's feet got frozen into the ground, not letting him go and escape from freedom.
"Thank You Mr. Belove, your presentation was perfect!" ... 'perfect' wasn't the word that The Belove wanted to hear at all; yet he said 'Thank you' and made his way to his seat. Tamaki's head was throbbing and aching with the aftermath of his 'small' anxiety attack; It felt like someone grabbed a brick and threw it to the back of his head. As much as he wanted to go home, He would be home alone for a while. After a few weeks, Takami was already on the grind of making friends and hanging out with them. Especially after school and not coming home til 22:00 PM. Since Tamaki was far behind with making friends, he was able to keep his mind at ease so as not to worry about losing them. As Tamaki laid his head down after sitting down, he felt a slight tap on his shoulder, but he was too drained out to answer. The negativity filled his brain and all Tamaki could ever think about was the negativity. It was just the start of the day and he was stressing himself out to the rim.
"God I just wanna go home." "I wanna go back to Chicago." "I just wanna–"
"Hey, Belove? Tamaki." The voice in Tamaki's head was too deep to Tamaki's liking which bothered The Belove a lot but tried to ignore it.
"Psst.. It's Ha-Jun." ... The 'Voice' patted Tamaki's hair as another person from the two's class got up to present. Tamaki's head was throbbing in negative thoughts which made him wanna ignore the entire world. He felt like the entire world was against him and the only way to shut the world away from him was to just to stay quiet.
"Tamaki?.. Oh jeez." Ha-Jun heavily sighed as he let go of Tamaki. He noticed how Tamaki was completely out of it and he just needed time for himself so he finally just let the bundle of angst Belove be.