No Sound Without Silence

Chapter 18

You know what guys? I'm really happy I still have you lovely readers following this series. I know it's not very fluffy and happy but very angst-y and plot heavy. That's why after this I promise I shall right something lighter.

Anyway, enjoy! (And I hope you won't hate me after this :X)

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Her eyes were staring at the empty brown surface of the wooden dining table in the middle of the kitchen. She could see his shirt clad back from the corner of her eye, facing the stove as he made some pancakes for their afternoon snack.

It was still so surreal how they were actually living under one roof. How they were sleeping in the same house. How they were eating together. How they have their own spot on the couch as they threw popcorn at each other. How their toothbrushes were side by side in the same glass. The small things that seemed so real, yet so far from her reality and more of the fantasy that was so near to his reality.

She cocked her head to the side stretching her neck muscles and burying her head deeper into her arms. Suddenly, it was as if everything fell down on her. The weight of everything that had happened, everything that Killian went through, everything she was going through.

Somehow she pictured herself to be the strong woman who could get dirty and just do things. But it was just so hard when everything's just so wrong. First, he suddenly went missing and it was her fault because she was delusional. Then he didn't remember her. Not one bit. All their times together. All the things he did for her. All the things that he said. Everything was gone. What was worse was breaking this curse.

Looking at the easiness in his movements as he flipped the pancakes over, the small smile playing on his kips as he hum a tune, the certain twinkle in his eyes as they followed the brown patties of flour, she knew that breaking the curse meant taking all of these away from him. He was happy here with his new life, with his new hand. The real question was was he really happy? Well, he seemed to be so and she wasn't so sure anymore if she wanted to take that away from her.

He had been through a lot of things. She knew because he was just as broken as she was. And now that she was actually taking away that happiness just to get him for herself? It felt so wrong because what if he didn't become happy with her? What if True Love wasn't real?

A heavy sigh escaped from her lips.

It's been a roller coaster. Hell, that was an understatement. It had been so crazy and her mind was in a haze. So much darkness. So cold. So alone. She didn't know what to do anymore. It felt like nothing was happening. It felt like it she was going around in circles. One day, everything was fine and the next day something would come up.

Another sigh left her mouth.

"Hey, you alright?"

That voice. It made her heart churn as she looked up to look into those piercing blue eyes, her head still resting on the table. God, how could she ever not feel bare and naked under those eyes. Tears stung her eyes as her lip trembled slightly. Heaving a sigh, she looked straight into his eyes, searching, searching for something. Just something that would somehow make her feel strong. She was hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to knock her mind back into shape. But it really wasn't and she was so afraid because Emma Swan was starting to give up.

"Emma?" Worried was etched on his face as he sat across her, their leftover pancakes from breakfast between them.

Something pooled in her belly, making her want to puke. Brushing it off, she raised her hand in a thumbs up. "Fine." she mumbled. No, I'm really not.