No Sound Without Silence

Chapter 20

Things had been pretty awkward the night before. There had been lots of stolen glances, and curt nods. Awkward shuffling and nervous smiles. It was when she finally got into the confines of her room did she realize just how thick the tension in the room was.

And of course, there was no reason for that to change now.

She woke up to the sound of silence. An uncomfortable one that made her chest heavy. Usually, it would be the smell of pancakes or bacon floating in the air. But now all she got was the uneasy heaviness and almost a pale shade of the bright morning.

Looking at the clock beside her bed, she gave out a sigh. That explained everything. It was pretty early. Almost an hour before her usual wake up time. Normally, she would grumble and go back to sleep but not today. Not when anxiety was disturbing her.

She needed a cup of hot cocoa with cinnamon, she decided. She needed hot cocoa to calm herself even for just a little while, to put all those things aside and just enjoy a warm cup alone.

But when she got out of her room, she was faced with a Killian Jones looking a bit dark, his face pale, his eyes staring off into the void.

Turned out she wasn't going to be alone.

It may have been a couple of minutes before he realized that she was standing there staring at him, her mind elsewhere. He shook his head and the motion snapped Emma back to reality as she slowly shuffled towards the cupboard.

"Good morning." he said, his voice soft with an air of uncertainty.

"Good morning." she replied with pursed lips as she reached up for her mug.

The silence stretched between them as she made her hot cocoa. But she could feel his eyes on her every now and then because she also stole glances at him. When she sat across him, he peered at her under his lashes as she tried so hard not to meet his gaze.

It was both relief and anxiety that settled in her heart when he finally broke the silence. He was staring at his mug when he suddenly snapped his head towards her. "Who am I?"

She almost choked on her drink at the suddeness of his question. She blinked back the tears as she cleared her throat. She expected it to be something like an apology or an explanation, possible an awkward greeting. Just not that.

"Are you okay? Do you need water?" he asked the worry and guilt in his voice.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. So about your question, well, it's a bit more complicated than that."

He made a face at her. Almost like a pout.

"It's something that's too much for one sitting. Believe me, been there, done that. It's not easy."

He just nodded and the uneasy silence returned. They both silently finished their drinks, the tension slowly rising again. She winced when she drank that last bit a little too fast. And she may have slammed her mug a little on the table. She blamed her shaking hands for that.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her with a curious eye.

She tilted her head to the side, sensing the distress in his voice. Apparently,it seemed like he was way more edgy about whatever that was going on between them. "What are you thinking?"

He shook his head and breathed out a sigh. "Well, I was wondering about you."

Her eyes widened a little in surprise, but she just waited for his next words.

"If you knew who I was, am or whatever, then I must know you too. How come I don't know you?"

She licked her lips as she tried to make things simple. It was really anything but simple. "Look if I told you now, it wouldn't make sense. You'll think I'm crazy."

His shoulders visibly slumped in defeat, his brows furrowed as he burned holes onto the table. She wondered what was going through his head. Maybe he was already considering that she was a psycho. She didn't know and what was more frustrating was that she didn't know what to do.

Well, maybe it was time to address the pirate in the room.

"Hey, remember the voice in your head? What is he telling you now?" she asked softly.

His frown deepened, his face grew dark. It seemed like he was fighting an internal battle. Then as if he found it, he suddenly looked up at her.

"He's telling me to trust you."

"Do you?"

The question stood between them, echoing in the silence growing around them. His wide eyes remained surprised and they were so blue. They looked so blue. So blue her chest tightened and for a moment, everything flashed back. All the times they'd been together. All the times he tried to make her smile. All the times he succeeded. Neverland. Storybrooke. All the times when the Lost Girl and the Lost Boy was finally home in each other.

Here they were. So close yet so far. Then again so, so near to everything they had ever wanted. The bittersweet feeling settled in her chest and it made her want to cry and to smile at the same time.

"Do you trust me?" she asked again.

His eyes flickered to look into hers. Shivers went down her spine as his gaze bore into her soul. Searching. Digging. Looking for something that she didn't even now. But even at the peak of the moment, she still couldn't bring herself to lay herself bare in front of anyone. Not yet. Not even now when he was silently asking for something from her.

Her Killian would know. Her Killian would understand. And deep down there, she knew her Killian was there. Shouting. Pounding. Screaming at himself. All she could do now was hope. Hope that somehow he would be able to find the real Killian Jones in there.

She waited. And waited. And waited. She still held his gaze, but she could feel her heart start to waver in fear. Fear that she was wrong. That maybe, just maybe, she was wrong to believe that she could get him back.

No.

She should stay. Her grip on her mug tightened until her knuckles became white. Tears started to sting her eyes lightly. But no. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to give up. It was now or never.

"Do you trust me?"

His face finally shifted. Something flashed across his face then it disappeared quickly. Blood started to gush to her ears as she counted her breaths. Waiting. Still waiting.

Then his eyes suddenly lit up. Pale blue orbs lighting up to the azure eyes she'd grown to love. A ghost of a smile sat on his lips as he opened his mouth.

"I think I do."

A small smile crept to her lips. He mirrored hers and his eyes twinkled like they used to when he looked at the sea. The feeling inside her slowly rose up her chest, building up levels of joy and hope and love. Suddenly all the tension and the awkwardness from the night before disappeared into bubbles. Then a huge grin painted his face and she found herself having the same smile on her face.

"So?" he asked with the smile still plastered on his face.

"Hm?" she hummed.

Tracing the rim of his mug, his tongue shot out to wet his lips. He gave her a quizzical look, his eyes asking her what to do next.

Well, what were they going to do next?

There was actually only one answer in her mind right now. It was a risk, but it was also a chance. A risk that she might lose him along the way, but a chance that she might finally get him back.

She bit her lower lip as she dug up the energy to speak.

"Pack your things. We're going on a trip."

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I'm just wondering how many of you guys ship Bellarke too. I mean they're just amazing. I was actually thinking of doing a crossover, so I need your thoughts on this.

Tell me what you think? Reviews! Vote! Thanks guys! :)