No Sound Without Silence

Chapter 19

I know I'm kinda behind schedule again, but guys! It's because I finished The 100 and I'm having major Bellarke feels!

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The sun peaked through the curtains as she turned around to her side, suppressing a groan at her sore muscles. She brought the comforter around her shoulders, a yawn creeping out of her throat. For a moment, it seemed like it was a normal day back at home, in her bed.

Except it was anything but that.

An image of blue eyes and dark hair flashed before her eyes and she pushed the sheets away, forcing herself to focus on the harsh ray of sunlight lighting the dark room. Her eyes fell on the bottled water on the bedside table. With a moan, she closed her eyes at the cold liquid trailing down her dry throat. Then she quickly stood up and went into the bathroom.

She turned the knob and she flinched at cold water flowing down her hand. She waited until it started to turn warm before she stood under the shower. Soon her moans turned into hiss as steam rose from the shower room. She turned the knob to cold and it wasn't until she was shivering cold that she turned the water back to hot. For minutes, it was a play of hot and cold as she turned the knob back and forth.

When she got out of the bathroom, a wave of pride washed across her as she glanced at the time. Almost an hour and a half and not once did she think about...

Time to change clothes, a voice shouted inside her mind, the voice echoing in her ears as she immediately grabbed her clothes from yesterday. She took her time, laying all of her clothes on the bed to smooth out the creases which took quite a chunk of her time.

When noon came, she quickly got out of the hotel. Somehow in her drunken-like haze, her legs brought her to the nearest hotel on sight. Yeah, she managed to get herself into a hotel and spend almost all of her cash. Fortunately, the remaining cash would still be enough for two to three meals and she would get her paycheck from Rob within the week.

She clutched her purse as she walked down the busy streets of New York. She used to love big cities when she was a bail bonds person. It was a hassle sometimes because of course it would be hard to find one person in city as big as NY. But it also meant protection, an assurance that no one would find her. Not that anyone was actually looking for her at that time, but it was somehow a bonus that made her feel a little bit safer.
She actually still did love big cities because even in the sea of people, she was alone. With all the people walking past her, she didn't feel alone. But she knew she was alone. Those were two different things.

She chose her meal carefully, trying to get the cheapest among her choices. After finishing her meal, she got up and started walking aimlessly, her mind floating around.

She had nowhere to go. She couldn't possible go back home. It wasn't hers but his place after all. And God knows that she wasn't ready to see his face, let alone hear his voice. She need some time alone. She needed to condition herself, to pick up the broken pieces of her heart and put it back again.

No, she wasn't going to give up on him, she realized. She wasn't going to give up on herself, on him, on them. All her life she had been trying to give herself hope. She was satisfied with the lowest as long as it was enough to help her. She didn't have the newest clothes then but she was happy with an old pair of jeans and T-shirt. She didn't have a proper meal then but she was happy with the bread she managed to steal. Because that time all she needed was to live.

Then Henry came and her parents came and Storybrooke. It was home. But even when she was home, she had to give. She had to serve. She had to do things for the sake of others and not herself. She was the Savior after all. She didn't have time to take care of herself when she could give her time trying to save others. She had to because her son believed in her.