Because of you

7. "Thank you Matt."

I'm still breathing extremely fast and I can't slow it down at all. "Hey look at me." I slowly look up at a blurry version of Matt. "Take some deep breaths with me ok?" I nodded as Im scared to speak.

I try to follow Matt's breathing to the best of my ability. my breaths are still shaky as all hell. Matt is trying his best to help me calm down while also fighting a panic attack himself. After a while my breathing finally slows down and I fully sit up. "Come on, let's get you to bed" "Matt....." "what, what's wrong?" he says with a sense of panic in his voice and tears threatening to escape.

"I can't get that far." "oh ok, I can carry you if you need" I look at Matt and see a guy who just wants to help his best friend. I see the expression and worry on his face and think to myself "that's the Matt I used to know"

"Thank you Matt." "You're welcome Ali." I paused. Did Matt just call me a nickname? "Matt... did you just?" "yeah I guess I did." I can't even get myself up smile at the new nickname. I feel so bad. "I've never been called that before." "There's a first time for everything Ali. Now let's get you to your bed and we can talk then if you want." "Ok." I said as I brace myself for Matt to pick me up. He carried me bridal style up the stairs to my room.

Once he opens the door to my room and quietly gasps. "What is it Matt?" "oh um..... nothing. I just haven't seen this room in a year. It's embodies your personality." "Thanks Matty" He puts me down on my bed and sits down right next to me. "So Addie, what happened down there?"

Shit, I kinda forgot that I would have to tell him about what happened.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
if you are struggling with mental health I wouldn't advise reading the rest of this chapter
(Mentions of Domestic Violence, Assault and alc*hol and Dr*g abuse)

"Oh uh." "Hey look at me" I looked at him with sadness. "Addie I will never judge you for anything your about to tell me. Ill be here for you and if you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to ok?" I take a deep breathe "Ok ok I got this" Matt looks at me and waits for the words to escape my mouth. I'm so scared but I know Matt won't judge me.

"It all started before I leave my hometown, I grew up in Galveston Texas, I was with my long time boyfriend who was addicted to alc*hol and dr*gs." I shudder as the words leave my mouth. Matt moved closer and pulled me into a side hug. "I met him in highschool and I truly loved him but he started abusing dr*gs very quickly. He became someone I didn't recognize anymore."

Tears start to fall down my face as I have to relive what I went through. "He started getting violent with me and would get frustrated over small things. I just didn't know what to do. I had to leave, So one day, I packed up my stuff and sent it to Tennessee, I had called Ellie to ask if I would live with her for a bit and she said yes. So I lived in Tennessee with Ellie for about 9 months"

"Omg Adeline that's horrible, I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you. I'm so happy your ok now" He pulls me into a hug as I hysterically start sobbing my eyes out. Matt just hugs me and doesn't let go. "shhhh it's ok, it's ok. Your ok Ali."

I'm sitting here in my best friend's boyfriend's arms and I haven't felt this safe in years. It's hard to safe when you are in fight or flight. When your in a relationship, you shouldn't be scared for your life. It takes a toll on you mentally and physically. Matt is hugging me and rubbing my back as I'm still hysterical. "So how will it work with Stephen when you meet him?"

Stephen. He knows who I am. My breathing starts to speed up again. I quickly get my breathing under control again. I pull away from the hug and look at him. "Matt, I honestly don't know. I don't think I'll let myself get that close to him. It wouldn't be fair to him. He doesn't need to know about my fucked up life." "Ali, your doing the best you can with the cards you were dealt. I'm sure he's an amazing person and if you feel comfortable enough with him. I'm sure he'll listen. Plus you'll have Ellie with you, you won't be alone."

"You're right Matt, thank you." I pull him back into the hug. "You're welcome Ali, I'm always here for you if you need me ok?" "ok." I'm still hugging him and just trying to process everything that just happened in the last 30 minutes. I feel so many different emotions and I'm just all over the place. Matt pulls away from me and says "Uh Ali, I'm gonna go now." "no wait, can you stay please? I can't be alone right now." "Yes of course I'll stay with you." I'll be in your guest bedroom, if you need me just call or text ok?"

I nodded as Matt walks towards my door. "Do you need anything before I go?" I look around and see if I need anything. "No I'm ok, thank you though." "You're welcome Ali, Goodnight. Try and get some sleep ok?" "I'll try, Thank you for everything Matt, Goodnight." Matt smiles as he leaves my room and shuts the door behind him. I look around my room and take a deep breath. "Your ok Addie, your ok." I said to myself.

I don't know what I would've done if Matt wasn't here. I get out of my bed and change into a Fresh love hoodie and some spandex. Chris' clothing line is so comfortable and I feel safe in it. I go back to my bed and lay down. I look at my wall with pictures of me and Ellie. God I miss her so much. There are also pictures of me, Matt, Nick and Chris. Some individuals of each of them and some without me in them.

These people are my rocks. The people who keep me sane and grounded. I would be so lost without them. I'm finally relaxed in my bed and I feel my eyes close after a long day.

Authors Note:
We're not gonna talk about the fact that this chapter took me 2 days to finish 😭😭😭

I hope you enjoyed it tho.