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She expects me to do everything out on a whim.
But I was never thought how to do that
How can I do something when I don't even know how to do it
This is why we go to school
To fucking learn
But at home
It's her job to teach me the things I don't know what and how to
Not push everything onto me and expect me to do it perfectly just because I'm older and bigger now
Maybe if you taught me at least once maybe I would be doing every single shit you ask me to
But no
I don't know
I tried to do it
But I did it wrong according to you
Now you scold me for fucking it up
And you're fucking confused why I don't try things anymore!?
Yeah sure its my fault for not trying nonetheless
But I've blamed myself for fucking too long
I've ruined my wrist for years
Only stopping in fear you might notice and scold me about it
Am I selfish
Maybe I am
But isn't she too?
I'm trying
I feel like I'm trying
But she doesn't see it
She doesn't notice it
How sad is that?
Do I have any value?
Do I have any use?
I'm useful aren't I?
I'm sorry
I could've taught myself
Yeah, that was an option
I could've tried and tried until she was satisfied
But her words are too sharp for me to catch
Am I too sensitive?
Am I too weak?
If I am then,
I'm sorry
What the hell should I do?
I really don't know.
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A L T S C H M E R Z
AcakAltschmerz • Sense of weariness with the same old problems that you've always had, the same boring issues and anxieties you've been gnawing on for ages. A book full of thoughts. Thoughts that are kept and hidden inside a lonely person. Or jus...
