Chapter 1 - Who's the suicidal bastard now?

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Come on, Braus... I thought desperately. 

This is your last chance... You can still run away from this... 

I practically begged myself to turn away and run in that instant, but it seemed impossible. My legs were like two pillars, lodged into the ground, never to move again. I felt paralysed, both with the fear and shock that poured over my body like icy water out of a rusty tap. My eyes wandered around aimlessly, as if searching for something that made sense. Around me stood my comrades, those who I'd trained with for three years and had become my family. Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Jean... These were only a few among the selection around us. 

I could see Mikasa and Armin's reasoning for joining this suicide of an occupation; they'd follow Eren Jaegar wherever he went. He was usually getting into trouble and letting his passionate feelings get the better of him, Mikasa had once told me in our old dorm. And she'd promised Eren's mother right before she died that she'd follow Eren and make sure he was safe. Armin's reasoning was simple; he probably owed it to Eren and Mikasa for all they'd done for him over these few years. From my own observation, I could see that Armin was usually getting in trouble, whether it be getting picked on by other Trainees for being weak or struggling with a manual task. Eren and Mikasa would usually come to help him whenever they could, but they'd also teach him how to be strong, how to stand up for himself. They were a wonderful trio and I often envied their loyalty. 

As for the others, I had no explanation. Perhaps Eren's rants had finally cracked them and they felt like they owed it to him? It made no sense, everyone doubted Eren's ideals and most of us were hellbent on joining more mundane forces such as the Military Police, ensuring an easy going and safer lifestyle. 

I almost wanted to laugh until tears ran down my face at the irony of this situation. We'd all called Eren a suicidal bastard, and even Jean had taunted him for loving when Titans attacked the walls. What were we doing now? Did this make us hypocrites or just fools? I couldn't really decide. 

I could feel a bead of sweat roll down from my forehead all the way down to my cheeks, only to drip off of my chin and onto the ground beneath me. Every part of me felt hot and cold at the same time, my palms were clammy. I could feel my ponytail sticking to the back of my neck and my clothing sticking to my skin. 

My heart thumped furiously against my chest, I could even feel it. 

My throat had gone dry. I tried to swallow, to clear it, but the saliva only got caught in my throat. I was choking. I was choking and I couldn't cough.

It felt like an eternity went by before none other than Commander Erwin himself spoke up, his icy blue eyes displaying some odd kind of emotion we'd never seen him wear before. 

His cool eyes wandered the area for the few people left, compassion clear in his expression. He cleared his throat and spoke up, breaking the silence that smothered us like a dark blanket. 

❝I ask you, if you were ordered to die, could you do it?❞ 

❝We don't want to die, sir!❞ Someone shouted, I didn't even bother to look for who it was. 

Erwin collected himself before continuing. 

❝Of course, let us hope that you don't, then.You who stayed, you are now once of us. Allow me to welcome you to the Scout Regiment. This is a genuine salute, soldiers. Together, we give our hearts!❞

As one, every single remaining person performed the famous salute we used when addressing our higher ups. One fist to our chests, one fist behind our backs. Though the raw emotion of the moment was powerful, my blood had turned cold. 


I was part of the Scout Regiment. 



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⏰ Last updated: Jun 27, 2015 ⏰

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