Give Me Love (A Zayn Malik Fan Fiction)

Remembering - Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Zayn has put himself together enough to continue. By now Loren is watching him in fear of that he will break. She thinks that maybe it was wrong to come here and upset an old man like this.

Zayn continues with one hand covering his face, wiping the tears away and with the other arm, wrapped around his stomach as if he tried to hold himself together. Loren can no longer keep her own tears in.

"She died there in my arms. I just sat there like a statue; I couldn't bare myself to move. An ambulance arrived and paramedics came up to Jessica and me. They didn't ask me to move. They checked her pulse only to realize it wasn't there, because she had gone.

I didn't want to let go. I wanted to sit there until I died myself. I told her that right as she took her last breath. I said: "I'll join you soon Jessica." I meant what I said. Because it didn't matter that I had four amazing friends, a great loving family and plenty of money. None of that mattered. I didn't have Jessica. Her soul had left her body and I just sat there holding a dead animal. I wouldn't find Jessica there.

The paramedics were patently waiting there until I was ready to let go. And when I was, I just walked away and they took the body away."

Zayn takes a pause and gathered his thoughts and stop the crying.

"At first I felt guilty. All she ever wanted me to do was to give her love, and most times I failed to do so. For days and nights I sat alone in my apartment. I forced myself to pick up the phone when my mum called just so that she could see that I was alive. A few days later she arrived to take care of me. Everyone tried to take care of me but I just stayed quiet and still. This is the most I've spoken in 64 years, Loren.

I think everyone thought that I wasn't going to kill myself; they probably thought I would come around sooner or later but I never have. Right then I said I would stay alive until the funeral was over; I wanted to be there for Jessica even though I wasn't sure if I would make it through the entire thing. Her family was there of course but I didn't speak to them. I just couldn't look into her brother's eyes without seeing Jessica. In my head I was planning my death. I regretted my earlier decision and wished I had died so I could’ve joined Jessica on her funeral.

That day everyone was guarding me very well. Louis, Niall and my mum was sleeping in my flat - babysitting me. Then night came and they, obviously, fell asleep. I just wanted to make it quick, not go anywhere; just put that rope around my neck and die. I stood on the chair, ready to jump down when Louis came in. I'm glad it wasn't my mum, that I could spare her the sight of her son trying to kill himself.

They brought me to a hospital.

They, my family and friends, thought I was sick in my head but I wasn't. It's completely normal to break down when you loose the person you love the most. I remember thinking inside my room: "The door is closed but this isn't a prison. I can escape."

It was one of those hospitals were you're supposed to be for a month or two, talk to a psychiatrist, walk around in the beautiful garden and feel all better. But I didn't talk and I didn't walk. And it would take a whole lot more than that to make me feel better.

The security of the house wasn't the best. One night I sneaked out of my room, down the corridor, to the room where they hold their pills. Grabbed a jar with some strong sleeping pills and escaped the building. I ran from the town and up to a hill. I sat there for many hours on a bench. At sunrise I thought it was time before someone came.

I was about to swallow the pills when I heard a voice behind me.

“You know I come up here for the great view and to be alone. No one else comes here.” I turned around to see a woman standing there. It was Erica.