Give Me Love (A Zayn Malik Fan Fiction)

Chapter Sixteen - I can't forgive him yet

Jessica’s perspective:

I was downstairs most of the day since I couldn’t go up any stairs on my own. I couldn’t help but seeing Zayn together with Alex down by the barn. Later on the afternoon I went upstairs, mum helped me; I’ve got a really strong mum. I spent the rest of the day watching TV with the door closed to the TV-room.

Dad didn’t say anything else but:”diner-time” when he came to get me and he basically carried me downstairs. In the dining room the diner was served. There was grandma and grandpa, mum, dad, Josefine, Alexander, Caroline and of course Zayn. We ate during silence. Everyone ate a lot since they’ve been working hard all day long. I wasn’t really hungry but tried to eat anyway.

”What is it that you want to tell me?” I asked after half the meal.

”Zayn is staying here for a while.” My mum started. ”He’ll help your father around the farm and most of all he’ll help you. Make sure you come up and down the stairs properly. He can even make your breakfast.” She tried to joke.

”Why don’t you just tell me that that is the full meaning of him being here - Helping me?”

”The problem is honey that you can’t drive the wheelchair inside and therefore you can’t move around easily.”

”Tell me something i don’t know! But whatever, let him do what ever he wants. Han skäms ju över mig i vilket fall som helst (he’s embarrassed of me no matter what). I decided that I’ve played around with the food long enough. ”Zayn you can start now, I want to go to my room.” I looked at him for the first time that night where he sat just across the table. ”Good-night everyone, it was nice to see you Caroline.” I told my brother’s old fiancée who were sitting next to Alex, she smiled back at me.

”Good-night honey,” my mum said. Zayn excused himself from the table and went around it to help me. To begin with he just help me by supporting me but it really hurt for me so when he was out of sight from everyone he carried me. I was forced to have my arms around his neck. I knew he was looking down at me but I avoided his eyes. I just mumbled a few words giving him directions to my room.                 

Someone already placed an extra bed in there; couldn’t they just let him sleep in some other room? I got a new set of clothes from my wardrobe and Zayn helped to the bathroom. There was a chair that I could sit on. I brushed my teeth and washed my face but I felt really dirty. I’ve showered a few times on the hospital, but the last time was three days ago. I couldn’t wash my entire body since I had the cast, I couldn’t even wash my own hair without getting it wet.

“Zayn?” I called and a moment later he opened the door to the bathroom.

“Yeah?”

“Um, can you help me wash my hair?”

“Sure…” he answered. It was really awkward. He helped me over to the shower where he placed the chair. I leaned my head backwards and gave him a few instructions which products I wanted him to use.

When he was done and went outside again, I washed the rest of my body carefully, I didn’t really get so much cleaner but it was the best I could do. I dried my hair with a towel and then left it to self-dry. Then I put on a big T-shirt that I usually slept and a pair of shorts, it took a long time with my big casts. When I finally was done I called for Zayn and he carried me to the sofa. He went into the shower and I turned on the TV. I flipped through the channels trying to find anything good.

Soon Zayn stepped out of the bathroom again, wearing only a pair of sweatpants.

“Um I dropped my shirt on the way before.” He said grabbing the shirt that where lying on the floor and pulled it over his head.

Ugh! I thought, did he really need to forget his shirt on purpose? Okay, maybe it wasn’t on purpose but it was damn teasing.

How I Met Your Mother was on when Zayn sat down next to me. We both watched the screen but I think his thoughts were somewhere else too. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted him. But I couldn’t give in so easily because then he might hurt me again. I needed him to stay with me and prove that he deserved to be forgiven.

At 9.30 pm Zayn left the room with a “be right back”. While he was gone I went to my bed. I meant pulled myself to the bed, because that was literally what I did. I dragged my own legs on the floor. You’ve probably understood by now how stubborn I am and that I want to do everything on my own. I don’t like having people doing things for me, that’s why I didn’t like mum using Zayn as my personal assistant.

When Zayn came back 15 minutes later he had sandwiches on a plate, a milk carton and two glasses with him.

“How did you get over here? You should’ve waited until I came back… I’m sorry I know you can take care of yourself.” He said. True Zayn, but you’ll never stop taking care of me.     

  “It’s a mystery how I got here; maybe I have a flying carpet?” I joked and I actually smiled. I’ve never seen Zayn smile as big as he did then. He looked me straight in my eyes and I almost fell down in them before Zayn brought a sandwich.

“I made a sandwich for you,” he said and put the glasses down on the nightstand next to me. He handed me one of the sandwich while he took one for himself. “You didn’t anything at the diner. I know you’re feeling bad and that I’ve a lot to do with it. You have to eat!”

It was really sweet of him to make a little food for me. I smiled a little and ate the sandwich fast. He reached for another sandwich, leaning closer to me. He never grabbed a sandwich; he stopped and looked up in my face. I swallowed, he was so close. He licked his lips. I bit my lip as my heart was having an inner-fight. “He hurt you, Jessica, don’t give in!” one side of me yelled. “You know you want him!” The other side screamed.

We both leaned in for a kiss at the same time. It wasn’t a short little kiss and none of us stopped it. He was about to pull me even closer when I moved away. He looked wounded.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, I know you need time.”

“Don’t apologize,” I whispered. He moved from my bed and ate the rest of his sandwich on his bed. Then we turned out the light and went to bed.

“Zayn, I can’t eat because I feel really sick from all the pain of my injuries. You have nothing with to do with it.” I said silently.

“You should now that I don’t regret that kiss at all. I love you, Jesse.” He said and a tear fell from my eye.

During the nights everything came rushing over me. I didn’t want to sleep alone anymore. I wanted someone that loved me. I had Zayn for both things but I still couldn’t forgive him.    

As we lay there in the dark, Zayn’s phone started to ring, for the tenth time since he came into my room. He didn’t answer a single time. Now he just let out a loud sigh and turned his phone off. I bet management and all that was wondering where he’s at.

The next few weeks went by pretty fast. During the days I where at school, I’ve missed a lot and was way behind. Not to mentioned I didn’t have any friends who could tell me what I’ve missed and help me out a little, no one to copy notes from or anything.

I’m not even going to tell you what they called me when I went around with the wheelchair. I couldn’t wait until I could walk again.

The happiest place for me right then was in my room with Zayn. My parents barely spoke a word to each-other; I think they were close to a divorce. I didn’t know what would happen if they were going to separate. Mum would probably move into town, I wanted to stay here where I grew up but I didn’t want to stay with dad… I tried not to think of it but it stressed me out.

Zayn and I talked more but only about everyday things. He helped me with my homework and assignments too, which I appreciated a lot. It didn’t seem to bother him; he just wanted to see me happy. We didn’t kiss again but trust me it was moment when I really wanted to.