Why do we fall in love?

5. cafe chat

we've arrived at the cafe, it's really cozy as Bella said. We have been talking for about an hour. We have mostly talked about why we want to work with what we do, but also about our family.
"Can I ask something that might be a bit personal"Bella ask, and somehow I get nervous. "of course."
"Ok, uh, do you like Leah?", right when she asks that question, I start choking on my coffee.
" Huh, no. Why do you think that, and why do you think I like girls like that? I usually just hang out with girls when I'm drunk, because they know how to make out", I just pour it all out, like I have something to hide. Bella just starts laughing, and I don't understand why.
"Okay, number one the way you looked at her today was like a horny teenager, and how you got so nervous she was close."
"But.."
"no, number two how you got so upset when I thought you liked a girl and don't say you've only made out with girls because they know better, but you think they're pretty and you like it when they touch your hair or neck, instead of going straight for your ass like the guys do". Bella finishes her little speech with a smug smile because she knows she is right.
And I don't know how, but I can't say anything that will prove her wrong . Because what she says is exactly what I have stuck in my head. And then she gives me a knowing look, and that smug smile. Why do people always smile at me like that when they are right. God, I don't know what to say, I hardly know myself what it is I feel.
"I don't even know myself what I feel" I'm telling the truth, I don't know. "It's okay, I didn't even know what I liked before I was twenty." Bella says to me, I wonder how she figured out what she likes, what is it that she likes?
"uh, may I ask what you like?" Why am I so insecure when I ask that? Bella laughs a little lightly to herself.
"It's totally cool that you ask, I'm bisexual. I figured it out when guys were too bad in bed and women were just a god in the saying plus damn good-looking" she said, laughing a little to herself himself.
"Okay, but if you think guys are bad in bed, why do you like guys?"
"I don't even know myself what I feel" I'm telling the truth, I don't know. "It's okay, I didn't even show what I liked, before I was twenty." Bella says to me, I wonder how she figured out what she likes, what is it that she likes?
"uh, may I ask what you like?" Why am I so insecure when I ask that? Bella laughs a little lightly to herself.
"It's totally cool that you ask, I'm bisexual. I figured it out when guys were too bad in bed and women were just a god in the saying plus damn good-looking" she said, laughing a little to herself.
"Okay, but if you think guys are bad in bed, why do you like guys?", I wondered dumbly, maybe it was a stupid question "eh, it was nothing, it was a stupid question, sorry". Bella just smiles "It's not a stupid question, oh never say sorry. You're just trying to figure yourself out". How can she be so cool about this, I keep asking myself what it is I like. I've always wondered that it was something wrong with me, because I've never really been in love with anyone.
"What if I like girls, my dad would not be proud, he is always telling me I need to find a husband", wow, i really start to overthink this. It's probably just in my head, i dont like girls. Right? Bella just has a sweet smile on her face.
"You shouldn't think about what other people think, it's what you feel that matters. And don't overthink your sexuality, only if you love someone, you love that person, and it doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy , or if it's something else. as long as it feels right in you."somehow Bella has a way with words that makes me believe what she says is true. and I think deep down I know she's right.
"I think you're right," I mumble as I put my head in my hands.
Bella just started to laugh, and I just glared at her. "What" I said, a bit confused and annoyed, I didn't understand what she was laughing at.
"Which am I right that you like Leah or you like girls, because I think it's both" she says with a bit of a laugh. God, why am I afraid to say it out loud. "Both" I mumble into my hands. "Huh, I can't really hear you," Bella replied knowing what I said. I lifted my head and looked at her with a knowing look on her face. "Both, okay, Both. I guess, or yeah, I know. but I'm afraid, I have to tell my family, and Ava" I say with a big sigh and put my head in my honor.
"hey, no, you don't have to tell your family or Ava, you decide when you want to wear the beretta, you remember what I said it should feel good for you, and I think you've known for a while but didn't want to admit it" Bella says while placing a hand on my back. I lift my head and give her a weak smile.
"Ava will know it's something, we've known each other all our lives, and she's told me I have to fuck someone, really anyone, so she'll be happy" I say, but looking at bella has she a smug smile, "what" I ask her.
"you want to fuck Leah, I mean there's nothing wrong with that but take her on a date first, I know lesbians go fast. but take it slow"I went all red, not because of what she said but what my brain is making me think. okay I have to stop thinking dirty, I hardly know anything about the woman. "What, uh, no, or yes, no no, I don't mean that, ohh, why does mih brain think like this" Bella just laughs. "it's cool, I know exactly how you feel, and it will be fine. and don't worry, I won't tell you to fuck Leah" she tells me laughing, I just look at her. "I don't want to fuck Leah, I hardly know anything about her, And I hardly know what to do with the feelings I have" I tell her honestly. almost. "You'll figure it out, I'm always here if you want to talk about anything," Bella says before pulling me in for a hug. "Thanks" is all I get out. Wow, I need a glass of wine. "You don't have to thank me, that's what friends do," she tells me.
"Oh, it's quite late, I have to go and walk my dog" says Bella.
"Yeah, it's really late, I also have to go home and call Ava" I say as we start to put on jackets and stretch towards our cars."
I'll see you on Monday, and call me if anything happens" Bella says while hugging me bye then, "of course, and see you on Monday" I say before getting in the car and going home.

Once home, I go straight into my kitchen and pour out a glass of white wine. I barely have time to take a sip before my mobile rings. It's Ava. I take a deep breath before I answer. "hey" I say and try to sound normal, and sit on my sofa and of course have a glass of red mine.
"You've fucked someone"
"no"
"you made out with someone"
"no"
"you like someone"
I'm quiet...
"you... wait. WHAT. Who, how, when, where?"
"eh"
"What's his name?"
"Well.."
"just say it"
"Her name is Leah"
"She?"

Author note,
I hope you don't think I'm going too fast. want more things to happen. Please write what you think, and thanks for reading.