Jadon PoV
I hate the way that I have to admit that I'm really loosing myself for real.
One thing about being a footballer is you know when you are going to have a good or a bad game but you also are very aware if you have played well or not
And thinking hardly I can't think of one game that I have played for United and came off feeling like I have accomplished something. Even my times at Dortmund no matter all the goals I scored there was a lot of games where I came off unhappy with myself
But the goals used to cover that up, you know,"it wasn't that bad cause I scored"
I feel like I can't show or tell anyone they way I feel 'cause I have all the money in the world'
Which I'm not denying, I'm on a high wage but that doesn't take away all the things I have to go through. I still have feelings and these feelings are hurting bad
I could speak to a lot of players cause they have probably been through the same thing I have gone through but then I look weak...
I can speak to Aries but I don't want to ruin what we have with my problems.
We played a game the other day at Brighton. We lost 1-0, on the flight back home I just put my AirPods on and closed my eyes. I wasn't sleeping I just didn't want to talk to anyone
And when I got home I just laid on my couch staring up at the ceiling questioning why I feel the way I feel.
It's funny actually cause I felt this way back at the start of the year the reason why I went to the Netherlands and I promised myself that I would never put myself through that again with the way I felt and everything but here we are.
However putting all my feelings aside tonight me and a couple of the boys including Aries is going to see Chris brown as he's doing a uk tour. Aries is meant to be over soon so we both can get ready but right now to pass some time I'm playing some fifa
After a round of fifa I had a knock on my door, I went and opened it and of course it was Aries. Before giving Aries any sort of kissing or touch I always make sure I have closed the door first
Down the road I live at is a lot on mansions which a lot of footballers live down so sometimes we get some press wondering up the street.
Once I closed the door I kissed her lips and she smiled. Aries placed her bag down on the floor and she took off her shoes before following me into my joined living room and kitchen
"Oh my Jadon" she says
"What?" I asked as I sat on my couch
"Your never like this" she says
"Like what?" I asked
"Your kitchen is a mess, your always so clean" she says
"I can't be bothered to do it" I say leaning back on the couch
"Jadon? Do you wanna talk or something?" She asked
"About what?" I asked
"You just don't see yourself! I don't think I have ever met the real happy Jadon" she says
"I'm fine" I say
"Well tell you face that too" she says and I looked at her
"Are you unhappy or something?" She asked
"I said I'm fine" I say with a bit of an attitude
I picked up my controller and I started another game of fifa. Aries got up from my couch and she went into my kitchen and started cleaning my kitchen
"You don't have to do that" I say but she didn't listen to me
