Beneath The Depths

Chapter Fifteen

I was dressed up in a fancy evening dress even though we weren't going out. Kyle said he was making dinner for me and it was a surprise. I pulled on a yellow maternity dress. I left my hair down because that's how Kyle liked it most. I was the most impatient person and he was making me wait in our bedroom until dinner was ready. I was pacing around the room in excitement but I was also anxious to see what he had done. Kyle liked to go big or go home. He made the most out of the littlest things just to make sure they were up to my standards. I really didn't care, I just wanted to eat. In a few minutes the door opened and he called me out. I didn't see anything on the kitchen table.
"What's going on?" He tilted his head towards outside.
"I thought we could eat outside." I grinned and followed after him outside. He lit candles and had a vase full of red roses. He pulled out my chair and I sat down in it. He brought out a plate for me and then pulled out his phone.
"I thought we could make a special memory for our daughter since she's coming soon." I covered my mouth and all I could do is laugh.
"Say hi to the camera. This is for our daughter." I waved at the camera with a mouthful of food. He made me laugh in the best ways.
"Hey little baby. Sorry we don't know your name yet. Your mommy hadn't figured it out yet. But we thought we'd bring you around on our date night. We know you'll be just as beautiful as this woman sitting over here. I mean let's just take a minute to admire her gorgeous face." I laughed and looked down at my food and took another bite.
"We can't wait to meet you in a few shorts weeks. We love you so much babygirl." He stopped recording and sat down.
"How was that?" I raised my eyebrows and took another bite of my food.
"That was really something. I'm glad you're doing this. She should know what her father is like." He smiled and downed his wine in one sip.
"Baby what's wrong." I rested my head in my hand then let go and acted normal.
"I just really hope you'll be there when I'm giving birth. I can't imagine doing this without you." He reached for my hand across the table and squeezed it.
"I will be. You don't have to worry. I'm not gonna let that happen." Kyle was getting thinner every day and his days were only numbered. I didn't have high hopes of him being able to be there when our daughter is born.
"I don't care how much pain I'm in. I'm gonna be there. You don't have to worry." I smiled and finished my food. I stood up and took my plate inside to the sink and started washing it. Kyle came in and shut the door. He placed his plate on the counter and wrapped his arms around me while I washed the dishes.
"Did I mention how beautiful you look today." My body tingled at his touch.
"No I don't think you have yet."
"Well I'm saying it now." He said this way too much. He liked to compliment me and brag about me to all of his friends. I thought it was cute but it got annoying at times.
After I finished the dishes I stood in our daughter's finished nursery. I looked at all the accessories I put in there. I had a framed picture of me and Kyle so she could look at her parents. I had stuffed animals sitting in her crib. I had a rocker where I could rock her to sleep. Kyle walked in and noticed it being finished.
"Wow. This looks amazing. You're gonna be such a great mother." I turned to him and leaned my head into his chest.
"I just want to be able to be a mother with you." He held me closer as the tears kept falling down my face. He kissed my head and held me for as long as I needed him to. I let all the tears out that I needed to. I had this hole in my heart that's been there since the doctor first broke the news to me. He held me like no other time before. Like he was afraid to let go of me. I sure as hell was afraid of letting go of him. No matter what happened, he would always be in my life but not physically here with me. It would take a long time for me to accept that or to even realize that it is actually real.
That night before bed. I prayed for the first time in a while. I attended church as a child but stopped going when my mom became an addict and was too distracted to take me. I prayed about a lot. That Kyle could live a little longer. That I could have the strength to be the mother I needed to be on my own. It was all a puzzle in my mind but I needed to cope with all of my emotions right now. My stomach was grumbling with anxiety from everything. It was painful. I couldn't hold back all of the pain I was feeling. I lunged out of my bed and into the bathroom. I let everything out of me. I couldn't tell if it was nausea from my pregnancy or my anxiety getting the best of me. This year had a lot of twists and turns and I've gone through hell and back and I don't wanna relive it.