Right Place, Right Time - Rhea Ripley

Chapter 5 - Selfish Thoughts...

The sun glared through the dusty blinds, its harsh light assaulting my aching eyes. My body felt like lead, weighed down by a vague sense of unease. I forced myself to sit up, wincing as the cool air hit my bare skin. It was another one of those mornings when I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table: 2:07 p.m. In the old days, this would have been the time when I'd roll over and crawl back under the covers, pretending like the world didn't exist. But I was trying harder now. I was trying to be better.

So much had happened, I snapped at Alyssa on the phone and since that day, we had not messaged. I was fully alone.

I got up, my back cracking as I stretched, and shuffled over to the window. The curtains were still closed, a dim layer of dust coating them. I paused for a moment, debating whether to open them or not. It was a small victory, but I felt a sense of accomplishment just at the thought of letting some light in. With a deep breath, I reached out and pulled the string, revealing the pale sunlight outside. The air was crisp and fresh, carrying with it the scent of summer.

Most people me age were at parties or getting drunk at the beach, but for me I was stuck inside, stress eating and hating myself. I pushed the thought away, determined to focus on the present. The sunlight streaming in cast a warm glow over my threadbare carpet, revealing the dust bunnies that had gathered under my bed. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I had the energy to clean. It felt like such a daunting task. But then, with a sigh, I steeled myself and began to gather my things.

I finally realised this side of me had been building up for months, way before Demi and I met. The Demi and Jessie situation just being the cherry on top of it all.

I started to clean my bedside table, starting with the piles of plates and empty food containers. The act of doing something, anything, felt oddly liberating. As I worked, I couldn't help but wonder how I'd let things get this bad. It wasn't just the Demi and Jessie situation. The truth was, I'd been struggling for a long time before they came into my life. I'd been hiding away, avoiding reality, and living in this perpetual state of self-loathing.

I moved on to the dusty blinds, wiping away months of neglect with a damp cloth. The sunlight streamed in, casting a warm glow over my messy room. And for the first time in a long time, I didn't want to close the curtains and hide from the world. I wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be loved. But most importantly, I wanted to learn to love myself.

The cleaning continued, bit by bit. I scrubbed the grimy bathroom tiles until they shone, vacuumed the dust bunnies from under my bed, and even washed the stack of dirty laundry that had been sitting in my hamper for who knows how long. With each task completed, a weight seemed to lift off my shoulders. I felt lighter, brighter, more alive than I had in years.

As I worked, I realized that maybe this was what I needed all along: not a fairy godmother or a magical solution, but simply the will to change my own life. I was beginning to understand that the key to overcoming depression wasn't just about finding happiness, but also about finding meaning in the darkest of times. It was about learning to love yourself, flaws and all, and recognising that your life was worth living. That dark cloud above my head was still there, but it no longer defined me.

I paused for a moment, catching my breath as I surveyed my transformed room. It was far from perfect, but it felt like a home again. A place where I belonged. A sanctuary from the world. And in that moment, I knew that I could finally begin to move forward.

I went to my closet, sifting through the clothes I hadn't worn in months. Some were stained with food or covered in hair, while others were simply too small or too revealing for my current bigger self. I didn't want to keep these reminders of my old life hanging around any longer.