Sadie (18+)

Chapter 30

It was a spring afternoon; the temperature had warmed up significantly, so much that it coaxed out an abundance of wildlife. Out in the Alessi's backyard, a squirrel attempted his ascent up the bird feeder for the fourth time, bushy tail twitching.

Gina had cracked most of the windows downstairs as she prepared food for the guests, reveling in the sweet breeze which pushed around the aroma of her cream puffs and raspberry tartlets. The birthday cake Gina had prepared prior to the event was safely stored in the refrigerator.

On this particular Saturday, it was Vincent's birthday. Just over three weeks ago had been our fight; we had not directly spoken to each other since, and I was lucky if he even looked in my direction.

I had resumed a fairly normal routine, dedicating most of my time to either Julia, school, or thinking about Vincent in the safety of my own bedroom, at home where I could cry if need be.

I had spent a lot of time replaying our fight in my head, wishing I hadn't gotten so angry at his concern for me. I realized that the alcohol may have played a small role—even if I hadn't been drunk during that fight, I was nasty and quite malicious to him, and that wasn't like me.

It reminded me too much of my mother. The alcohol does far more than intoxicate, I realized. It rewires the way the brain functions, and I had seen it first-hand yet still picked up the bottle on multiple occasions.

Whether or not he loved me in the way I craved, it was downright cruel of me to take offense for something I had created from my own lascivious endeavors.

Vincent was familial to me when it made sense—when I puked in the downstairs bathroom, when I cut my hand on the bottle in his office, when I was in the shower with him, still impaired by my irresponsible drinking habits.

How could I expect a father to not possess the urge to care for me in such vulnerable moments, and disregard it in the next? That was the power of lust, after all, the very thing that makes people cheat in the first place. Lust triggers tunnel vision, and Vincent was in that deep and dark tunnel every time I made a move, and taken out of it every time I turned into the defenseless, childlike version of myself.

It was exhausting for him to battle both biological urges with the same person—to nurture, as you would to offspring, and to reproduce, as you would with a mate, just as I had learned in the very documentaries he watched. It was wrong and unnatural to burden him with making a choice.

This realization had kept me away from him and alcohol, the two things that become dangerous temptations. But today I was in the presence of both, and I wasn't sure how long I could go unscathed.

The Alessi's didn't throw parties much, but when they do, it is always extravagant. There's a two ingredient recipe for a successful party, which consisted of having both wealth and friends. Tasty, homemade food was a bonus, something they could also check off the list.

It wasn't the kind of party I nor Julia preferred—it was an adult party, the kind where the alcohol is used appropriately, sparingly, and conversation was light and safe, controversy always avoided.

I hadn't realized the couple had so many friends until tonight; most of them were from when they had attended college, some from their current jobs. Vincent's best friend was here, a man I had never even heard of.

"They've been friends since high school," Julia was saying as she organized the charcuterie board. She popped an olive into her mouth. "I'm not usually into dusty old men like you, but Bryan is actually pretty cute. And divorced."

Her light blue top drew attention to her olive-toned skin and prominent collar bones. Justin had really screwed up; Julia was beautiful, even when she was suggestively waggling her eyebrows and obnoxiously poking my side.