I woke up feeling in pain... lots of pain. Every part of me is in pain, especially my hands.
Inikot ko yung paningin ko sa buong kwarto pero wala na si Nick.
Gosh ang sakit talaga ng katawan ko. I just wanna go back to sleep pero hindi pa pala ako nakapaghanda ng breakfast niya. Mag-aayos pa 'ko ng sarili ko at alam kong matatagalan ako dahil na rin hirap akong gumalaw.
And I'm right. Kaagad akong napabalik sa paghiga nang sinubukan kong bumangon dahil ang sakit ng pagkababae ko. Idagdag pa ang mga pasa ko sa katawan.
Naluluha ako sa sakit pero kailangan kong bumangon. Dahan dahan uli akong tumayo at pinulot ang mga damit ko. But I can't even wear them. They are all ripped. It's useless.
May nakita akong polong puti at yun nalang ang sinuot ko saka pumunta ng banyo ng dahan dahan dahil nahihirapan akong maglakad.
I let the rain shower's water fall down on me and feel a stinging pain. At mas naawa lang ako sa sarili ko nang nakita ko sa salamin sa harap ko ang katawan ko; ang daming pasa. Yung mga kamay kong sugat sugat, yung mga dibdib ko at mga hita may mga kalmot at sugat o pasa. I look pale. And I've never seen myself this pale before.
Napahagulgol ako. Pumikit ako at naalala ko lahat ng ginawa at sinabi niya sa 'kin kagabi. Kahit mahal ko pa rin si Nick, hindi ko gusto 'yon. He is not a man anymore; he is a monster.
I immediately put some clothes that I got on a cabinet and went down to the first floor. I hate stairs now.
I saw Nick just below the staircase and talking to someone over a phone. I stared at him and that ranging fear was awaken. Hindi ko alam kung lalapitan ko ba siya o ano. I'm again shivering.
Nung nakita kong binaba na niya yung phone, agad siyang tumingin sa 'kin kaya naman mabilis akong lumapit.
"Nick? Ano'ng... gustong mong kainin?" I asked while panting, trying to hold my tears.
He's just staring at me and that made my eyes watery. Gusto ko nalang umiyak sa takot. I think I'm traumatized.
"Just, bacons." Malamig niyang sabi.
Aalis na sana ako pero nagsalita ulit siya.
"Is that what wives do at morning to their husbands?"
I looked back at him. Ano nga ba? Ano nga ba'ng gagawin ko?
"Uhm. Good morning." Nanginginig kong sabi.
Lumapit naman siya sa 'kin na naniningkit ang mata kaya naging balisa ako.
Ano ba'ng gagawin ko?! Hindi ko naman alam eh.
"Stupid! Kissing me should be the first thing you'll do whenever you see me."
My tears fell in fear. He crashed his lips on mine. I squirmed because of pain when he bit my lip.
"Damn you." He said when he parted our lips and grabbed my arms before kissing me again. "Respond." He angrily whispered between his kiss so I just have to obey him. "Good slave." Nakangiti niyang sabi at saka bititawan ang mga braso ko na halos ikatumba ko na at saka siya nagpunta ng dining.
My tears rapidly fell down especially when I saw the maids on one corner of the kitchen. They all pity me but like me, they cannot do anything.
"Are you gonna cook or what?!"
Napatigil ako dahil sa sigaw niya. Agad akong nagpunas ng luha at dugo sa labi saka pumunta sa kusina.
"He-heto na Nick. Saglit lang."
...
Dahan dahan kong inilapit sa kanya ang coffee niya saka lumayo at tumayo sa gilid, malapit sa mga katulong.
"It does not taste good." He looked at me and narrowed his eyes.
Nagmamadali akong lumapit sa kanya. "Ito naman yung lagi kong tinitimpla sa'yo Nick ah."
I shouted in shock and fear when he threw cup on the floor.
I did not waste any second and ran to the maids. "Please help me. I am begging." I begged to the oldest while crying. "Please..." I sobbed and held her hands, her eyes focusing on my bruises. "PLEASE!" I shouted when Nick harshly pulled me away, dragging me upstairs like I am a toy.
Pabalibag niya 'kong pinahiga sa kama at hinila ang pants ko kasama ang underwear ko pababa nang makarating kami sa kwarto.
No! Not again!
"Nick please!" Sigaw ko habang pinipigilan siya pero iniuntog lang niya ang mga kamay ko sa side table.
He unbuckled his belt, bringing out his thing and harshly entered me.
"Nick please! Ang sakit sakit pa ng katawan ko! Maawa ka naman o!" Makaawa ko habang humahagulgol. "Tama na! Help! Tulong!" I shouted to the half closed door.
"I would make your life miserable! Take note of that." He whispered through his gritting teeth and pulled his thing out after his release.
He went to the bathroom and I reached for the comforter while crying silently; all exhausted from pain and crying.
Hindi ko alam ang pandidiri ko habang pinupunasan ko ang release niya sa hita ko.
He came out of the bathroom and threw me a lopsided grin before walking out.
Wala sa sarili akong umiiyak habang pinupunasan ko ang sarili ko gamit ang kumot.
"Dear..." The oldest maid sadly said while approaching me. "I am so sorry."
I hugged her immediately and cried like a little girl while she caresses my back and tried easing the pain.
"He is hurting me..." I sobbed. "I don't know what to do anymore. I am so scared." I said while crying out loud.
Two young maids went to us and showed the first aid kit.
"Let us clean your wounds." She said with her eyes full of pity.
"Please just stay here." I said and looked at the old lady's face who is now in tears. "I am so scared."
She held my trembling hand and more tears escaped her eyes. "Darling if I just could." Her eyes drifted to the stains of blood on different parts of the bed sheet.
"Please..." I begged.
I whimpered in pain when someone held my shoulder. The old lady pulled the sleeve of my cloth down and more bruises on my shoulder and breast appeared.
"Oh God how could he do these?" She said apologetically.
"Please help me..."
I got terrified when I heard his voice on a speaker near the door.
"Don't you try helping that woman; do not even try bringing this news out of my house. Or your life will be at risk. You know me. Now, my dearest maids, get out of my house and leave that woman alone."
"But we would just help her clean her wounds sir." One answered.
"Get out now." He firmly ordered.
I looked around the room and searched for the cameras or microphones.
"I know everything that you are doing in this house Anne, don't be dumb and just be a good wife." He said like he was teasing.
Could I still get out of this hell?
...
BINABASA MO ANG
Loving Him
General Fiction"If you love him... forgive him." But how can I forgive the man who kept on abusing me; physically, mentally, and sexually? Was not it that there should also be respect for yourself and not just love? But loving him is not loving myself anymore...
