I stare at the ceiling.
Just reminiscing my life.
Something I do every Saturday night.
My mental health has been deteriorating, And over time it has been getting worse.
So... Why not live in my delusions for a bit?
Past memories. Past experiences.
Sometimes I just want to go to the vast realm of nostalgia. Sometimes I wish I could be a kid again.
A time where I had no worries.
A time where I didn't have to worry about caring about what condition the world was in.
A time where I could be happy and face no consequences cause of it.
A time where I could be myself without having to put on that mask.
Nostalgia... What even is nostalgia?
According to google, I guess
"A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations."
...
Sounds about right.
Sometimes I just wish I could go back. But yet I long for something I can't ever get back.
...
Why do I long for things I can't even get back?
As my depression worsens.
I look more into the past.
And I live in the past.
And think about how happy I once was.
I look at myself now, and wonder.
Where did it all go wrong?
I just don't know what to do anymore.
People say "Don't live in the past! Look forward to your future instead!"
The thing is...
I don't see myself having a future.
Nor do I ever see myself being happy.
I see myself in a cold hole. With nothing left.
But this horrible fucking feeling.
