A slave to tech, A slave to thin air. We breathe so deeply, so much. We can't live with out it.
Being a porn addict is similar, because you just feel the need to made your left or right arm a bit stronger every 30-40 minutes, Or you feel the need to watch porn or else you can't live without it.
Being a slave to it, As it feeds on your brain. Like a leech sucking the blood out of a body. A leech that sucks the life out of you. It sucks you dry, until you just feel empty inside. Like post nut clarity, except you can't survive.
I myself am a porn addict, and I feel this way. I feel like it is slowly starting to suck the life out of me more.
The more I watch some girl getting her cheeks banged out, the more it just makes me feel that familiar feeling of emptiness.
It slowly starts to disgust me, and yet I feel like a slave to it. I can't even look at a girl in an underwear ad, Or just looking at underwear at a fucking store without feeling so ashamed and disgusted with myself.
Because it sources that stupid addiction
Not only that, It also sources some of my sadness as well.
I am so ashamed it has gotten this fucking bad.
I don't want to be like this anymore.
I hate it so fucking much.
I want to improve but I just don't know how to start.
I also feel like this way because of Stella. I feel like she's slowly sucking the life out of me as well.
I don't want anything to do with her but yet I love her so much.
I feel like I can't live with out her, but yet... I don't want her to live.
What am I even talking about?
I live 6 hours away from her. And if I do make a move, I'd immediately be a suspect.
And if anyone catches me writing this. I'm done for. I'm possibly going to be fucking sent somewhere.
I'm a 20 year old loser that does nothing but jerk off all day, cry, and mope about two horrible ex girlfriends.
One of those girlfriends infact still being high school.
Shes about to graduate this year though. So is it wrong to want her?
I'm going nowhere in life.
I'm nothing but a fucking slave to porn.
