Cut Me Clean

Born Too Lose

"Set my self on fire in front of you."

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Despite his admirable career. Which he loved. The feelings he mainly wrote about and expressed in his music just kept haunting him, Douma's fans loved it all, who wouldn't?. . . it was poured into his voice. Beautiful. Just, beautiful. Emotions. A struggle. Truly. Douma could bring so much passion into his singing, his instruments. His songs were always on repeat for gods sake! Yet. . . still, no passion towards him. Not emotionally. Sure people adored him. Nobody really appreciated what he poured into those albums.

Some are for his own benefit. He enjoys writing music, as well as performing said music. Being born into that is crazy. Douma was a troubled kid. Of course what kind of rockstar wasn't?. But, childhood issues is not what this is about. Douma would rather chew his own dick off than spill about that in specifics. Truthfully. Perhaps, that's the reason behind his decision on not answering questions related to that in his interviews. Concerts, shows. Oh well. No matter.

Not even he could've expected to be a rockstar. Heck, he thought he wouldn't have made it past seventeen. Ever since he got back in the gig, all he could do was smoke. Douma knew there was better things to cope. Porn, drugs, sex. Sixteen. Fifteen. What a little goofball. He was aware he could've improved. The fan edits can explain that. As well as his past, past mistakes on stage. It reminds him of the time he took a good amount of shots before a concert one time. Tipsy as fuck.

Douma's issues connected. People could relate to him, and he was happy about that. His music was for those to reflect and sympathize with. It was a good degree from the usual fans. Meaning, there wasn't any contrast nor difference. People mainly wanted or liked the songs Douma wrote and produced because, well, it was him doing it all. Douma Sokolov. Even if nobody, and no-body knew his surname. Since it was Russian. Most of them only were ever after the dude's looks
It was odd. However, it's to be expected.

Approximately, nearly all fans of stars like Douma could be quite the obsessive types. The amount of shrines is just icky. Unease. What the man felt a lot of times in his youth. And now, he's dropped out of college. Not even sleep deprivation could keep the man stable. Nor could cigarettes. That damned guitar, perfect and built for him. Broken. Ever since mama was wilted into nothingness in the home he called his own. It was suicide. Douma has more things to worry about.

Douma didn't seem to have any true emotions. At least that's what people had said back in high school, due to his harmful habits. People need to know that habits aren't equivalent to personality. People always talk and say things they know nothing about at the core. Oblivious minds make assumptions. These same people choose to assume Douma as an asshole. Though, he could kinda understand why. How pitiful.

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Who could really blame them?

Medications, it was all little Enmu knew. Journaling. . . the photos he'd take and the facades he loathed. The friends who seemed to care about his mental being. Enmu Tamio, more than just a dream. His actions being seen as 'repulsive' when all he had were interests and what not. Now that he was in his last year of college. Enmu didn't see a real reason for university, what he really needed was a solid plan and he'd be fine. Probably. Not that really anybody acknowledged it. Besides others who he considered "close."