Puss In Boots x Donkey (Smut)

An Ass Situation

3 missed calls.

Hey handsome. thought we planned to see each other 2night? im still at home if u want to come over. dont eat bfore, ill order some Chinese. and, of course, you'll have the Mexican meat special on the menu...
I miss you, mi mascota 

Sent from Iphone

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It was a dull day and the dank smell of Donkey's apartment sat dully in the air. 

Donkey yawned, scratching his back with a chopstick found laying out of one of the many scattered take-out boxes in his room. He'd been bed bound for a few days - or rather, he'd been melting into it. It was a situation Donkey was well familiar with. He'd experienced heartbreak numerous times, sure, but no heartbreak of such severeness had ever squeezed at his heart. 

No, it wasn't heartbreak. It was breaking free! Donkey was bed-rotting simply from the extasy of escaping the dreaded claws of, well... 

Donkey took a swing of beer. He'd never been a fantastic liar, but now, with such a lot of practice, surely he'd be the best there ever was.

His phone light up again. Donkey continued to stare at the wall, but his attention couldn't help but focus solely of the little notification bubbles popping up from time to time, glowing in his peripheral vision. It was like a constant torment, watching them ping up from time to time, because Donkey knew who it was, and by God, he should be kicking his feet and giggling because was he really texting him? Did he really think Donkey was special enough for that? Was he really that enthralled with Donkey? Was he really that in love...

No. Puss and Boots was positively not in love with Donkey.

Another swing of beer flushed down Donkey's throat, and the bottle was finished. Puss and Boots. Huh! Donkey couldn't believe he'd ever walked himself into that trap. Puss and Boots had a very known and very clear reputation amongst the gays of Far Far Away - he was a slut and would slut you out for one night and one toe-curling night only, and then he'd drop you for his next conquest. And he'd always find that next conquest, because he searched for his cum-pockets in the largest populus of the gays - the ugly and desperate. 

Donkey tsked. How foolish he was, for forgetting that very important detail. And of course, he'd been reminded of it in the worst way possible - Shrek's rotten cabbage ass-checks and his wonky turnip dick, a stark contrast to the plump feathery peach-cheeks of Puss and Boots that had sat daintily on top of him. 

The phone began to buzz. Donkey's ringtone sang out. Grumbling to himself, Donkey picked up.

"Hola, mi chimenea"

Donkey shut his eyes tight. The deep rolling curls of Puss's voice were not easy to resist.

"Te llamo así porque extraño el calor de tu cuerpo junto al mío..."

Donkey rolled his eyes, cursing himself for the warmth that crept into his cheeks.

"That's mighty kind, but woo words aren't really my thing."

Puss's breath hitched.

"I'll whisper palabras dulces into your ear anyway, Donkey."

Donkey opened his eyes. He'd never really heard Puss say his name out loud before. It softened the crease in his brow just a bit, only for it to return doubled.

"I'm sorry, but um... I'm not coming over tonight."

"Oh." Puss seemed to recoil a little bit. The practiced swagger in his voice became lost. "Oh. Well why?"

"I'm out with a friend." Said Donkey, alone in his apartment.

Donkey could almost feel Puss's twitching whiskers through the phone. "You can always introduce me to your friends, whenever that opportunity comes around." Puss huffed a laugh. "I won't pounce them."

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure of that." Donkey said softly.

Puss was quiet. It was inquisitor sort of quiet, one that would soon turn sour, Donkey was sure.

"Anyway, I'm out, or going out, or something." Donkey shook his head and pedaled through his pre-planned excuse. "And I know you'd pounce on my friends, Puss, because they would be low lives, like me, and if I had any friends, I'd tell them to get the fuck away from you."

Puss sat in his silence for a little longer, before quietly uttering "You're not really with your friends, are you."

Donkey breathed hard, trying to cool himself. "Don't say small shit like that, Puss. I want you to get just as upset as me, because I need you to know exactly how I feel." Donkey barked out the words with such effort it made his throat tremble. "Just say it to me, Puss. Just tell me my worth. Tell me, how much do you really desire me, if not pity me!"

Across the line, Puss's frustrated murr  sounded. 

"I'm sorry I let you enjoy toying with me for so long. I hope I was ugly enough. I hope I tasted like dirt. I know that's what you like, and I know that's how you think me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Just cut to it and let it be over." Puss's voice cracked with emotion.

"How dare you sleep with Shrek?!?!" Donkey raged, the words bursting out of his mouth, "How dare you show me that you perceive me on the same level as that fucking cunt. I thought you wouldn't stoop so low, now that you were having sex with me, and didn't need to sleep with filth like him to get your fill. But then I realized - you weren't stooping. You view us as the same, don't you? I am filth just like him, or worse. You sleep with filth in a bed of roses, and I was just another speck of dirt to you."

"That is not true in the slightest!" Puss said with a sickening air of desperation. 

Donkey quickly cut him off. "The man had raped me less than an hour before you went and fucked him."

The line fuzzed into silence.

So Puss really had nothing to say, then.

"Goodnight, Puss." Donkey muttered, hanging up.