Reflections

Chapter 1-Sam

It hurt. My whole body hurts. My eyes felt like lead and the bed I lay on was uncomfortable.

My eyes slowly opened, squinting as a bright orb lay above me. It blinded me, making my head pound more than it already was.

I groan as I try to keep my eyes open once again.
A prompt ringing in my ears could be heard. I could hear the faint voices talking, but I couldn't quite make out what they said.

"Sammy?" A voice said, a voice I was all too familiar with.

"Dean?" I whisper, my voice hoarse and my throat too sore to say anything too loud. I felt parched, dehydrated. "Dean, what's happening?" I whisper once again, my head still pounding.

I look over at Dean. He was blurry, my vision not quite there yet. I blamed it on just waking up.

Dean swallowed thickly, I could see that he was pale; tear tracks on his cheeks, his nose red and looked sore from his aggressive wiping, his eyes looked red and poofy. What was going on?

"Sammy..." He trailed off, his eyes down casted to the floor. "Um- I-I don't really know what to say," He scoffed, clasping his hands together to ground himself. His lips quivered, his eyes glazing over once he looked up at me. "You have cancer."

I felt like I got punched in the gut: slapped, beaten, bruised. The news hit me like a truck, but my mind still said I was fine, there's nothing wrong.

I looked back at Dean. He was trying to hold himself together, and I suddenly realized I can't wallow in self-pity; I can't sit here and be in denial when my brother was quickly falling apart.

"I-I mean... the headaches, Sammy. The 24/7 not understanding shit you used to, running into things?" Dean scoffed, trying to hold back a painful looking sob that threatened to spill. "I should've known." He blamed himself.

"Dean," I croaked, my voice a bit stronger. "Dean, you couldn't have known." I frown, looking at the broken boy beside me. "You can't exactly see in my head, can you?"

Dean didn't say anything, he just looked at my face for a long while. His lip quivered, tears still falling from those forest green eyes.

"I'm trying to be strong for you, Sammy," He sobbed, his voice breaking.

"And you are, Dean. Crying isn't a sign of weakness. Giving up is."

"No!" He said loudly, a sob escaping him. "No, Sammy, I'm not strong. I should've known. Sure, I can't see into your head, but I should've known the warning signs. I should've known." Dean sobbed, sobs wracked his body with each word, each pause for a breath. He was broken. Like a fragile vase, a cup that's been chucked at the wall.

"You're my only family, Sam," Dean sobbed. "I can't lose you."

"And you won't lose me," I said firmly. "I will make it out okay, through treatment and my surgeries and whatever else they put me through. I will survive."

Dean just looked at me sadly; there was obviously something he wasn't telling me.

"What is it?" I asked once his eyes quickly darted from mine.

"I'm gunna go get the Doctor." And with that he abruptly stood up, his steps janky, as though he hasn't walked in a few days, and left.

I took a moment to evaluate my situation. Cancer? I just couldn't make myself believe it. I could come to terms with it. Was I going to die? Would I survive? What will happen to Dean? To dad? To Bobby, even?

My thoughts were broken when my door opened, Dean walking in behind the doctor. She wasn't cheerful, she had a grim face. Her blue eyes shine brightly, from tears or just from the lighting; I don't know. She was blonde, dirty blonde to be exact.