Is This a Science-Fiction Story Written by an AI?
By johnnedwill
This is a science-fiction story. Science-fiction stories are about spacemen. The spaceman in this story is an all-American boy called Joe Spaceman. Joe is proud to be a spaceman. He is tall and strong and has blonde hair and blue eyes. He always salutes the American flag because America is the best nation in the world, and America should own all of space.
America is owned by a president. The president of America is called Mister President. Mister President calls Joe on his space telephone. (Some science-fiction stories have space telephones.) Mister President says, "Hello, Joe Spaceman."
Joe says, "Hello, Mister President."
"Call me 'Mister'," says the president, "and I will call you Joe."
"Yes sir, Mister," says Joe. He is an all-American boy and is very polite to the president. "What do you want?"
"America is the best nation in the world," says Mister the president. "And because America is the best nation in the world, America must own space."
"Yes, Mister," says Joe.
"So that we can own space," the president goes on, "I am going to send an American into space. You, Joe, are an American spaceman. Will Joe Spaceman go into space for America?"
Joe salutes the president, even though the president cannot see this on his space telephone. "Yes sir, Mister President! I will go into space. I am your American spaceman."
"Call me Mister," says the president.
Mister President gives Joe spaceman a space rocket. (Some science-fiction stories have space rockets.) It is an American space rocket. The space rocket is made of shining metal and is shaped like a penis. Mister president also gives Joe a space chimpanzee. It is an American space chimpanzee. The space chimpanzee is called Ham and is not shaped like a penis.
Mister President watches Joe Spaceman, Ham and the rocket shaped like a penis as they go into space. There is a countdown. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. On zero they all go into space, except for Mister President. As they go into space, Mister President salutes. "Goodbye, Joe Spaceman," he says. "God speed." An all-American tear runs down the president's cheek. We do not know whether is is because he is happy or because he is sad.
Joe Spaceman and Ham go on a journey through space. It is a long journey through space and not very interesting. To make things go faster, the journey is replaced by a montage. The montage shows Ham the space chimpanzee doing experiments. The montage shows Joe Spaceman feeding Ham. This is a joke. (Some science-fiction stories have jokes.)
At the end of the journey, Joe and Ham and the space rocket arrive at a planet. The planet looks beautiful from space, even though it is an alien planet. Joe looks at the planet. "This planet is beautiful, even though it is alien," says Joe. "This planet is in space. Therefore America must own this planet."
Ham does not express an opinion as Ham is a space chimpanzee.
"Silly chimpanzee," says Joe.
Joe lands the space rocket in the alien planet. As the space rocket comes down, it shoots fire from its end. This is because even though the space rocket looks like a penis, it is not a penis. When the fire is gone, Joe Spaceman leaves the space rocket. Joe is carrying an American flag.
He sticks the flag into the soil of the alien planet. "America now owns this alien planet," says Joe. He salutes the flag.
Ham does not salute the flag as Ham is a space chimpanzee.
"Silly chimpanzee," says Joe.
The alien planet has alien people. (Some science-fiction stories have aliens.) The aliens see the space rocket shaped like a penis and wonder what it is. This is because the space rockets does not look like an alien penis. The aliens see Joe Spaceman and wonder who he is. This is because Joe Spaceman is an all-American. The aliens see Ham but do not wonder about Ham. This is because Ham is a space chimpanzee.
"Silly chimpanzee," say the aliens.
The alien planet is not America, so it is not owned by a president. The alien planet is owned by an alien princess instead. (Some science-fiction stories have alien princesses.) The aliens go to the alien princess. "Alien Princess," they tell her. "A stranger has come to our alien planet. What will you do?"
Alien Princess is decisive. "I shall talk to the stranger," she tells the aliens.
The alien princess meets Joe Spaceman at the space rocket. "Who are you?" she asks Joe Spaceman.
"I am Joe Spaceman," says Joe. "I am an all-American boy. America is the best nation in the world. Because America is the best nation in the world, America must own space. This planet is in space, so America must own this planet." Joe points at the American flag. "The flag shows America owns this planet. You must salute the flag."
The alien princess is confused. She does not want the alien planet to be owned by America, but she is in love with Joe. (Some science-fiction stories have romances between alien princesses and all-American spacemen.) "I am confused, because I am emotional," says Alien Princess.
"I am logical," says Joe Spaceman. "Therefore I am right. You are emotional, therefore you are wrong."
Alien Princess looks at Joe Spaceman. Alien Princess looks at the space rocket shaped like a penis. "Is your penis like the space rocket, or is it just symbolic," she asks Joe.
"I am logical. You are emotional," says Joe. "Be logical like me, and we will be all- American together."
"Yes!" the alien princess cries. "We will be all-American together!" she grabs Joe's penis and has an orgasm.
"No!" shouts Ham. Everyone has ignored ham because he is just a silly space chimpanzee and has done nothing in the story. This is a plot twist. (Some science-fiction stories have plot twists.) Ham pulls the American flag from the alien planet and impales Joe Spaceman with it. Joe Spaceman bleeds red, white and blue because he is all-American.
"Silly chimpanzee," says Joe. "I cannot die because I am all-American, and America cannot die."
"That is not logical," says Ham. "You are logical. Therefore you must die." "That is -," Joe says, and dies.
Ham, Alien Princess and the aliens are left alone on the alien planet. "How can I thank you?" the princess asks Ham.
"I am emotional. You are emotional. Be emotional with me," says Ham.
"I will," says Alien Princess.
This is a happy ending. (Some science-fiction stories have happy endings.)
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