The Transient Wife

Chapter 23

 "I'm sleeping in my room tonight," Cassandra blurted out later that night. She didn't want him to think she was that easy after everything that happened between them—as great as it was.

"I was afraid you'd say that," Philip said, blowing out a breath. They were sitting side by side on a wooden lawn bench at the back of the house with a glass of wine, just chilling out and looking at the stars.

She didn't comment. She stayed silent because she honestly didn't know what to say.

At the corner of her eye, she felt him change his position to face her. "Do you think I'm thinking you're easy?"

Shit, he's good. "Who would sleep with someone she barely knows?" She was accusing herself when she said that.

"Cass," his hand went to rest under her chin and urged her to face him. She did and she reluctantly met his eyes. They were talking about it tonight, great. She had hoped it would not be that soon. "That thought never crossed my mind."

"But it did cross mine. I don't know, I just thought it was too fast. And it shouldn't have happened anyway. We are not really married like a real couple to do such a thing in the first place."

"You're saying you regret it?" His voice sounded pissed, hurt even, and when she finally took the courage to look into his eyes, she saw that he was looking at her with anxiety. It almost startled her to see him with that expression because it was not like him at all. Anxiety was not his area of expertise as she believed.

"No, I don't regret it. I'm just saying... I don't know," she looked away and stared up at the stars. "It's just freaking complicated."

"We may not be married under normal circumstances but we've been together enough time to know each other. And that can be considered dating in my book. And having sex with someone you're dating is not a bad thing, is it? It's just complicated because you're thinking it is."

"Because it really is for me," she insisted. She didn't know about him, but she had a lot of things to lose if ever she accidentally fell for him. And she had enough of losing something—or someone.

Sharing his bed would make things difficult if she would not be careful. Yes, she could enjoy it, but as she said, it would have to take a lot of necessary precautions. Right that moment, she was thinking of doing it slow.

"Are you afraid?"

What a stupid, incomplete question, she thought. "Afraid of what?"

"That you might not want to get out when the time comes?"

"Of course not," she lied. That was exactly what she had in mind.

"Then why can't we do what other married people should be doing? I mean, you know--and I know--that we are strongly sexually attracted to each other. Why not enjoy the moment while it lasts? Just like dating."

Cassandra sighed, took a sip from her glass and watched him through her lashes. His words were rational enough and she had expected that from him. He always had something to say about almost everything.

"What do you think?" he asked when she did not say a word.

Cassandra chuckled. "You really want to know what I'm thinking." It was not a question.

"Of course. But let me tell you this before you say what you have to say." He paused and scooted closer, urging her to meet his eyes. "I think that we're really good in bed together. We may not be perfect as a couple in a lot of ways, but we're good in bed. I don't want to miss that part with you. Yes, sure, we'll end up divorcing after a few more months and we'll go on our own separate ways. And when that time comes, I don't want us both frustrated thinking what would have happened if we didn't deprive ourselves of this. If the time comes that we have to split, I'd like to think I divorced a lover. We started with this marriage with different reasons and I didn't want it to end the same way." He said it without pause and when he was finally done, he was looking more anxious.